Grace-site

For the past couple of years, a common theme I keep hearing from both followers of Christ and non-Christians alike (usually around the time of Easter) is that Jesus dying on the cross makes them sad.

Maybe this sounds harsh to some, but sad isn't the word I'd use to describe it.

Somber?  Yes.
More aware of the gravity of my sin?  Yes.
Sad?  Not so much.

Jesus died on the cross to raise from the dead three days later.  He is alive and has conquered the grave!  The story ends in victory!  And though Good Friday is painful for us to be reminded of, it is fully immersed in love.  For you.  And for me.  This is the greatest love story ever written.  And it's written by our Maker for us.

If Jesus never died on the cross and rose again, that would be you and I up there on the tree.  Dying a death that we so deserve.  Bearing the weight of our sin like we should.

But Love stopped the story from ending that way.  Love died in our place.  Love took the shame and the mockery and the beatings and the death when He was sinless.  Love took the Father turning His face away.  Love humbled Himself and received the worst death sentence ever so that you and I could receive eternal life.

And not just a ticket into heaven, but a transformative life here on this earth.  Salvation is only half of the Gospel.  Sanctification is the other half.  Jesus tells us that eternal life is to know Him (John 17:3).  So my question to you today, friends, is this:  Do you know Him?  If we have not entered into a transformative relationship with Jesus here on this earth, we have not accepted this gift of eternal life.

I'm not sad when I think of my Savior hanging on the cross, I'm grateful and find myself rejoicing.  Because He died and rose from the dead, we are able to have a relationship with a Living God.  Sometimes we forget this fact.  Yesterday in a game, one of my (Christian) friends made a reference to Jesus being dead.  He is not dead!  He is alive!  How do we, as Christians, breeze over that fact?!

Because He conquered death we can have a relationship with Him!  Because He conquered death we have the power to conquer sin!  The same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives in you (Romans 8:11) if you have entered into a saving relationship with Christ.  As I said before, the Easter story ends in victory.  And we can enter into that victory over our sin if we allow Him to work in and through us.

"I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe him.  This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 1:19-20; emphasis mine).  I don't think that most of us have even begun to understand what a powerful gift the Holy Spirit is.  I don't think that most of us have even scratched the surface.  When Jesus left us with the gift of the Spirit, He said we will do greater works than He did during His time here on earth (John 14:12).  #WeDon'tEvenKnow

Because He conquered death we can be healed if we are in a saving relationship with Him.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed" (Isaiah 53:3).

By His wounds we are healed.
Let us never forget that.
Any healing and restoration that Jesus has brought into the various aspects of my life over the past 3 1/2 years I can only attribute to His work on the cross.

I'm not saying that it's not important to know deep in your soul the pain and agony that your Savior went through for you.  I'm not saying that it shouldn't bother you.  In fact, it should do quite the opposite:  It should change your life.

But the cross for me isn't a gravesite.
It's a living hope.
It's the point where true freedom begins.
It's the point where love and grace and mercy and truth and power intersect.

I guess you could say that for me, it's a grace-site.

But when Christ came as a high priest of the good things that are now already here, he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not made with human hands, that is to say, is not a part of this creation.  He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption.  The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean.  How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!... In fact the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. [Hebrews 9:11-14; 22; emphasis mine]

Luke 5

"Go away from me Lord; I am a sinful man!" Peter proclaimed when he realized Jesus' power and holiness vs. his own lack of faith.

I imagine Peter yelling it with tears in his eyes and anger on his face as he turned to face the other direction--much like my exterior when I try and push someone who loves me away.

But Jesus didn't get defensive.  And He didn't give up on Peter either.  He was determined to make Peter one of His disciples and He responded immediately with, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will fish for people."

Whoa.

When Peter realized his unworthiness of this call on his life, he tried to run from Jesus.  But Jesus gently pursued him.  Peter's "GET AWAY" probably came off as angry and rebellious, yet Jesus was able to instantly recognize the deeper emotion at play:  Fear.  Fear trips up many of us who are called into this discipleship.  It gets in the way of any of us who are trying to do the Lord's work.  Fear of our own inabilities.  Fear of the spiritual attacks we'll encounter.  Fear of the hardness of our own hearts when we realize how frequently we don't believe God's promises.

But we have nothing to be afraid of because we are signing up for Jesus' team.  He's got it.  He's got us.

Peter tried to run, so Jesus called out this inner emotion in order to break it..  He then spoke Peter's calling over his life:  That he would be a fisher of men.

When we try to run from our callings out of fear, Jesus casts out that anxiety and still expects us to follow Him.  To give up everything and follow Him.  Our families.  Our homes.  Our careers.  Our own expectations for our lives.  We must lay them all at the altar.

Jesus doesn't let us push Him away like we so easily do to the people around us.  He loves us.  And pursues us.  And forgives us.

Even in the midst of us recognizing that we are sinful.

choices

We are given a choice daily.

To choose Jesus.
To be strong in Him.
To radiate the new creations that [we are].
To live out of victory.

...to live out of victory.

A choice to grow.
     To draw closer to Jesus.
A choice to be made more into His image.
     To conquer sin.

We are victorious in Him.
Victorious, victorious victorious.

And we need to choose it again tomorrow.
And the next day.
We can't live on yesterday's manna.
We are given a daily choice.

Until one day we look back and realize how transformed we've been,
     from saying "yes" every morning.

Choosing strength and joy and peace and relationship.
Choosing victory.

Choosing Him.

movement

Spiritual movement.
What does it look like?

I think that I only ever picture it as clear steps forward.  Sometimes gaining momentum, sometimes a steady pace.  But always forward.

Maybe movement isn't always so clear.
Maybe sometimes it's below the surface.
Masked and hidden.

Maybe movement is actually disguised by more sin because maybe movement is when we recognize our sin more.  When we realize our desperate need for a Savior.

Maybe movement might even appear as steps backward.  Like the recognition of a snippy tone or noticing there's an unwillingness to pray over a specific sin.  Maybe movement is that burning in your heart to get you to step into the new that you keep ignoring because you're scared.

Maybe movement is the force needed to break the inertia of that object at rest.

The force that causes you to even become aware that your heart is at rest.
Maybe that burning in your heart is that force telling you that it's time to let go.
That it's time to enter into a new layer of healing.

Maybe movement forward is actually becoming more sickened by self as we are overcome by our innately sinful hearts.

So maybe progress in God's backward economy looks different.
Because it causes us to cling more to Jesus as we acknowledge our own sin problem.
Because it draws us closer to our Savior.

And maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe that's not movement at all.
But I sure do enter [kicking and screaming] into these new levels far too frequently for it to not be.

The Holy Land

As most of you know, I spent the past two weeks in Israel with 39 people (mostly from my church).  It was the most life-changing trip I've ever been on.  Not only did I have a wonderful time there, but I could feel the impact when we returned home and went to church because I could picture the places that were referenced in Sunday's sermon.

People keep asking me to post a blog about the trip, and I'm not really sure what to say.  How can I sum up an experience where I saw so many biblical sites, learned about Israel's history, felt Jesus working on my heart personally in so many ways, and developed new friendships?  I can't.  Not concisely anyway.  If you were to open my journal it wouldn't make any sense to you because my thoughts are scattered and out of order as I'm trying to piece together what I experienced.  All I know is that this trip completely changed the way I read Scripture and that Jesus brought me to new levels of healing as I engaged Him on this two-week retreat.

[I might post a few entries from specific days and specific ways Jesus spoke to me, other than that, I apologize because there's absolutely no way I can sum up my trip in words.  My advice?  Make it a priority to go to Israel.  My church is going again in Summer 2015.]

But one thing I know, it really did completely change me as a disciple of Jesus.  There's no way a person can visit all of these sites and have all of these experiences and not read the Bible in a completely new light.

I sailed on the Sea of Galilee.  I stood on the mountain where Satan temped Jesus.  I heard a real rooster crow while standing in the place where Peter denied Jesus three times.  I heard a fragment of the Beatitudes while sitting in the same place Jesus taught.  I prayed at the pool of Bethesda.  I cried in the prison where Jesus was kept before He was crucified.  I took communion at the empty garden tomb.  I stood on the place where the temple used to be and looked out at where Jesus will return on the Mount of Olives.  I saw the soon-to-be Armageddon battlefields from the top of Megiddo.  I ate food like people in the Old Testament would have during a dress-up lunch at Abraham's Tent.  I walked the streets of Nazareth and Bethlehem.  I touched the Western (Wailing) Wall.  I worshipped in the Garden of Gethsemane and in Caphernaum.  I stood on the hill where Saul committed suicide and saw the area of caves that David hid in.  I (along with 14 others) read the Psalms of Ascent aloud while standing on the steps leading up to the Temple.  I watched as my friends were baptized in the Jordan River.

And I did other (more cultural and less biblical) things too.  I floated in the Dead Sea.  I bartered a price for a scarf in the Jerusalem markets.  I climbed down Masada.  I got my first ever massage.  I ate a bunch of foreign foods that I paid for in shekels.  I gained a new appreciation for the beauty of nature and for God as Creator.  I visited a holocaust museum.  I drank a ton of expresso and laughed hysterically with good friends.

These photos don't do it justice.  They don't capture the vastness of the beautiful mountains and waters. But here's a little taste of my trip.

Pool of Bethesda

Jerusalem Marketplace

Empty Tomb

Swimming [Floating] in the Dead Sea

View of the Mt. of Olives from the Temple Mount

Boat Ride on the Sea of Galilee

Reading the Psalms of Ascent on the Temple Steps

Abraham's Tent Dress-Up Lunch

Baptism in the Jordan River

Camels at Abraham's Tent

Caesarea--where Paul was on Trial

View from the top of Masada

Western Wall

Golan Heights

Roomies!

All the Mountains Around Abraham's Tent

Garden of Gethsemane

Probable Location of the Temple [on the Temple Mount]

Caiaphas' House-- Prison where Jesus was held

Palm Trees in Israel

About a year ago, Gregg and Robin convinced me to go on a trip to Israel with our church.  I signed up beacause their eagerness persuaded me and because I had never really been out of the country.  (And hey, you don't have to tell an ENFJ twice to go on a trip with 39 other people.)  But I didn't really have any expectations and wasn't sure what to expect.

In the weeks leading up to the trip, friends that had been to Israel jumped in excitement when I told them I was going.  They talked of the spiritual high.  Of the feeling you get when you step into the home of Jesus when He lived on earth and how that resonates with the fact that He has now made His home in our hearts.

But when the plane landed and we waddled (very sleepily) to the tour bus, I didn't feel holiness radiate out of my body.  I didn't hear angels singing and I didn't see any supernatural things happen.  Actually, it was raining and felt like a normal day--for the exception of the fact that I was overly exhausted and wondering how I was going to get through an entire day of touring (it was 9:30am in Israel, but 2:30am NJ time).  I didn't experience anything out of the ordinary.

But as we drove down the highway of this major city of Tel Aviv, I could not get over what I was seeing outside of the windows.

Palm trees.
There are palm trees in Israel?
Isn't it supposed to be one big desert?

"Robin, there are palm trees."
"Yeah, Lyss.  We're on the same latitude as Florida."

Palm trees...

We spent the day touring some amazing sites (maybe when I get home I'll post a more detailed account of where we went... maybe...) and when we reached the waterfront spot on the Sea of Galilee where our hotel was located, I couldn't believe my eyes.  Everywhere I looked there were green rolling mountains.  I felt like I was on the set of The Sound of Music.  And there were palm trees.  Lots and lots of palm trees.

And for our first four days of this trip, as we traveled in the region of Galilee, that was my consistent experience.  We visited many, many locations where Jesus stayed and taught and performed miracles and the scenery was nothing like I had pictured it.  For one, EVERY part clustered around the Sea of Galilee--definitely never pictured Peter's house on the waterfront, I could tell you that much.

My mind needed to be stripped of all it's preconceived imaginations of the set of biblical events and replaced with the reality of the beauty that was before me.

I suddenly realized that I will now read Scripture very differently and that it will greatly enhance my own relationship with Jesus because I understand more about His ministry and His culture.  Then I realized something even more striking to me.

This trip will greatly impact my ministry because I will now be able to teach the Bible so radically different to my students.

Friends, if you are Christian, you must make it a priority to visit Israel.  And even more so if you are in ministry because it will then trickle down into all of the people that you teach.  Pastors, InterVarsity Staff, YoungLife Staff, and the various other ministries that I know some of you are in that read this blog... visit the Holy Land.  Seriously.  Don't put it off.  Not because you'll have some super spiritual experience or come back on a Jesus high, but because it will make you a better disciple and better able to read and understand Scripture.

I plan to post a few more stories about some cool experiences that happened here in the next few days.  Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to post about all of the amazing places we visited and teachings we heard because there was just far too many on the itinerary.

But signing off I will say this...

I had little to no expectations of what I would experience here, but I think I've found my theme to this trip:  Jesus is reforming my previous thoughts and images of what these Bible stories were like (from everything like the town of Nazareth to the fish that was multiplied in the feeding of the 5,000).

Start saving my ministry friends.  It is so very important that we can accurately understand and teach what we read in Scripture.

[Oh and honestly... being on this trip is honestly just really FUN!  And Israel has some of the best coffee I've ever tasted.]

dying to self

People have brought to my attention recently that I haven't posted a blog in a very long time.  I must offer up my apologies for that, especially to my out-of-state friends who read this to keep up-to-date on my life.

Truth is, I don't know what to say.  My mind is in a constant state of spinning--sometimes with good things, sometimes with hard things--and to articulate those fragments of what I've been learning is a bit difficult.

For the basics, I was hired by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship for full-time Staff at The College of New Jersey on December 7th.  [To see my website/blog-in-progress regarding staff work, go here.]  I've been busy with end-of-the-year finances at my part time job (church bookkeeper), am in the beginning process of raising funds (for InterVarsity), and have been doing prep with my students for New Student Outreach (which starts this up-coming week).  Somewhere in the middle of that craziness was a very short holiday season and then I headed off for a week to InterVarsity's tri-annual missions conference called Urbana (located in St. Louis, MO).

In the past month or so, I've had some absolutely insane encounters with the Holy Spirit, have been learning that I have some serious wounds from my past that need healing, have come to recognize that I need to love more [and better], and have begun to realize that I've lived with a lot of pride for a long time.  I've also learned that when you are a person in ministry, people view you a different way.  Suddenly the tides shift and there are expectations that people unknowingly hold about you.

Truth is, I'm just a very average person.  Truth is, I'm just a sinner saved by grace like everybody else.  I laugh some moments and struggle during others.  I delight in showing people The Way and at times feel like I am terrible at "being a Christian."  I'm honestly no one special and have done nothing great.  All I know is that Christ lives in me.  And He has redeemed me and is in the process of making me new.  And I am willing to go where He sends me.

I am learning a lot about myself and my constant need of a Savior these days.

The more I am brought face-to-face with my sin, the more the state of my heart saddens me.
The more I am surprised at God's decision to put me (of all people) in ministry.
The humbler I become before God.

Some days I am so in touch with the Spirit and feel so very free.
Other days the work that Jesus is doing in my heart hurts so much.

On those days I feel like He is detoxing me from my sinful thoughts and actions to the point that every part of me hurts.  I'm afraid to even get out of bed and begin a day if I know I will only be at war.  I question why He desires to work through me in my community and on the campus of TCNJ.  It feels like I am drinking poison, as the distraught state of my mind manifests itself emotionally, spiritually, and physically in me.

But that's exactly what it is that hurts:
Dying to self.

When Jesus said to take up my cross daily and follow Him, He meant it. (Luke 9:23)

Crucifixion is a slow and painful death.
Taking up my cross is something that I must repeat.  Daily.  I can't choose to die to self today and not tomorrow.

Regardless of the hurt, I must be obedient.  Even if that means facing giants in my life.  Even if that means looking at my own imperfect reflection and choosing to engage in battle.

Because He lives in me I can overcome.  Because He is working through me, I am fighting from a place of victory. [Even if I have to tell myself that over and over.]

In ten days, I leave for a two week trip to Israel with my church.  My hope is that while I'm there--on a trip that is focused on time with God in the places He walked here on earth--He'll meet me.  My hope is that He'll continue working on my heart and reminding me that dying to self is worth it because He is worth it.

Because the end goal is Jesus.