And I'm angry, and I'm sad.
(Unsettled, fidgeting in my seat.)
Most of the time recently, I've found myself drenched in tears, questioning His love and faithfulness and goodness.
But I know that regardless of my feelings, regardless of the sadness and the loneliness and the pain that pierces through this thick empty, He is so abundantly good.
And that THIS (right here, right now), this very moment in time, THIS is His best for me in the now.
But that part,
(If I'm being honest)
That's the part that is sometimes so very hard for this little heart of mine to fully grasp.
My prayers over the last few months have been to live into and out of this now, this best that He offers me today. To stop looking back and stop yearning for more--for something in the future--but to live in the here and now.
To be present in the moment,
With an increased awareness of my God.
The tears still come as these unfulfilled longings piece my heart. The pain is still real and the desires are still present and I still pray that there would be some other ending to this story, some other outcome.
But for now, I will choose to live in the fullness of this very moment. I will choose to press into Jesus, to allow Him to fill every crevice that looks and feels (and is) so very empty.
The invitation today (and every day) is to know Him deeper, as Lover and Friend and Comforter and so much more.
And though I would choose a different story for this season, I know that He is a better Author than I. I know that His plans transcend mine because He is good and sovereign and loving.
And I can trust Him to fill the thick empty with Himself,
To illuminate His presence in the loneliness.
To comfort and grow this little heart of mine.
