Coming Home for Winter Break

So I finished my last final around 10am on Thursday morning.  Since then I have visited friends and caught up with a few people that I did a pretty lousy job at staying in contact with over the past semester.  I finally walked in the door to my house in New Jersey late last night.

Coming home is always an interesting event for me, especially when it is for a long break such as this.  The first few days are a constant battle between me and God, usually of me screaming, "WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS, LORD?" And Him answering with, "Trust Me, Beloved." And the anger usually then subsides into acceptance and eagerness to go back to Virginia.  I never feel content about being here.  Actually, I rarely ever fully unpack my bags.  Maybe I have some subconscious thought that if I don't actually unpack, it means that I don't have to accept this as a home for x amount of days.  I never really move in, physically or emotionally.  I never let my heart feel at peace with the situation, probably because I never actually trust God with the whole thing.

Although my family/home life is completely different now, I need to stop feeling bitter about it.  My sister and I got along so well over Thanksgiving break and so I need to feel relaxed and just try to have fun with her, rather than be so angry with her and my dad.  She's hilarious.  Today we had a conversation that went something like this...

Kirsten:  Do you wanna get your ears pierced?  Let's go and do that today.  I want mine pierced.  Wait you could sign for me, right?

Me:  No I could probably go to jail!! I have to be your legal guardian to sign for you.

Kirsten:  Well... couldn't we make you my legal guardian?  I mean, we'd just have to sign some papers, right?  Like, it doesn't cost anything does it?

Me:  YOU WANT ME TO ADOPT YOU?!?!!?!?!?

Kirsten:  Yeah, it doesn't cost anything, right?

[I stare blankly at her]

Kirsten:  It would help me out because Dad always forgets to sign my report cards.

Me:  KIRSTEN. YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE YOUR MOTHER. I WOULD GROUND YOU FOR NOT CLEANING THE BATHROOM.

Kirsten:  Yeah, true. Plus you'd hold it over my head like "OoOoOo you have to do this because I'm your legal guardian." And Dad would be pissed at us.

Me:  Kir, Dad would never sign you over to me.

Kirsten:  You both can't be my guardians?

Me:  NO!!! NOT UNLESS WE ARE MARRIED.  I don't think so anyway.  You're not like... entitled to two parents just because you are a US citizen.

Kirsten:  Ohhhh...

.......................... lol seriously? I was actually asked today by my sister to adopt her.  And she thought it would be an easy process.  I think she bases her legal knowledge off of the movie Matilda.

Anyway, I need to pray through some things over break.  To pray through not being so angry at my dad or sister or God.  To pray to make this place home again.  I need to make sure that I'm reading Scripture daily because I know this break is going to be one huge spiritual battle.  I am a rope and Satan keeps trying to play tug-o-war with God over me.

I won't let him have the satisfaction of winning because I am a child of Christ.