August, September, and October were going to be far busier than usual for our staff team at TCNJ. And when October began approaching and I was a bit drained from the previous two months, the realization that the usual October lull wasn't going to come hit me. Somewhere at the end of September, I turned to Robin and said, "Oh man. I just need to get through October. November can't come soon enough."
"Alyssa," She responded, "Life doesn't start in November. Life is now."
This reminded me much of what Jesus said to me when I was in the Catskills for a few retreat days before NSO began in August. "Alyssa," I heard Him say, "I am in the city just as much as I am in the mountains." He isn't just present in the restful seasons, but He is present in the hustle and bustle of packed google calendars, too.
From that moment on, everything shifted in me. My prayer changed from, "Lord, get me through October," to, "Lord, what are you inviting me into in this very moment?"
I began to make attempts at practicing the presence of God, of listening, of sensing Him in the room, and of inviting Him into all circumstances (even the really boring ones). I began experiencing Him always. I'm still growing in this and I still have much to learn, but my relationship with Him soared to new levels almost immediately.
Last night I was finally able to put words to it: I am learning how to add selah moments to my life, always.
In the Psalms, selah was added after some verses with the intent of pausing and reflecting. In my life, I began pausing and reflecting after even the little things, inviting Jesus into the situations I was in and asking Him what He thought about them. A life of abiding began to captivate me and I wanted more of Him, more of His presence. I couldn't get enough. The more I experienced Him, the more my heart yearned for more--more Jesus, more Spirit, more of the Father.
And oh, how I experienced Him in October. I carved out moments of selah. I would drop what I was doing just to get down on my knees in sincere prayer and worship if I felt Him inviting me deeper into His presence. And I chose time with Him over everyone else in October. For an extrovert, it was strange that I felt like I had intentionally dropped off of the face of the earth (socially speaking) this month, but I knew that in a season thick of ministry and limited on time, I needed Him more than ever before, and so I prioritized Him in new ways.
On Friday, the calendar turned to November, and I have to admit that I've spent the last few days in a confused and almost somber state, mourning the loss of the October that I had once so dreaded.
A normal work flow is now underway. My social life has started back up (I've hung out with.. gosh… 30 friends in the last three days?!… most of whom I haven't seen since August), which is a gift to this raging extrovert. I am grateful for November, really I am. But I loved October. I loved it because I learned and grew so much in the simplicity of inviting Jesus into it. It was a month of love and passion and newness and an opportunity to know Him more.
But life doesn't start during the next season that is unique and unlike daily life--be it on a peaceful retreat or in a busy, jam-packed week. Life is now. Life has always been now. Life will always continue to be now when I choose to invite Him into it. Selah.
Life is now when it's quiet. Life is now when it's routine. Life is now when it's busy. Life is now in Christ. Selah.
And the most wonderful piece is what Jesus talks about in John 15: that abiding produces fruit. The closer I remain to Him, the more I can hear His heartbeat, and the more my own heart begins to beat in rhythm with His. I am morphing more into His image with eagerness and delight. It feels good to sense growth in this sinful heart of mine, to watch the ugliness of it be made beautiful by His love.
And that's all I really yearn for these days, anyway: more awareness of Him in and with me, more of my heartbeat syncing in rhythm with His, more of this Kingdom reality, more heaven on earth.
And that's all I really yearn for these days, anyway: more awareness of Him in and with me, more of my heartbeat syncing in rhythm with His, more of this Kingdom reality, more heaven on earth.
And broken and ugly things just like us are stamped, "Excellent,"
With ink tapped in wells of divine veins.
-Lofty by Propoganda
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