daring to dream

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,

     we were like those who dreamed.

Our mouths were filled with laughter,

     our tongues with songs of joy.

Then it was said among the nations,

     "The LORD has done great things for them."

The LORD has done great things for us,

     and we are filled with joy.

[Psalm 126:1-3]

I was afraid to dream over this past year.

More accurately, I was afraid to dream with God over this past year.
In tears, I'd pray, knowing that it was He who had awakened these desires within me.
And I'd ask for any solution to the emptiness that I faced each day.

I was afraid to dream because I was afraid to speak the words of what I really wanted.
So I sat in those secret places of my heart, quietly dreaming with myself,
     Not letting the images get too bright, too noisy,
     For fear of them being so loud that God could hear.

Because the truth is,
I was afraid to invite Him into those dreams,
     afraid His response would be a "no."

But that,
That was foolish thinking.
Because every moment that I thought I was dreaming alone,
I was actually dreaming right alongside of Him anyway.
And those dreams (I believe)
     were put there by Him to begin with.
every. last. detail.

And the thing is with God,
     He is good.
     And He delights in this daughter of His.
     And He is the Giver of good gifts.

In just one short week, everything changed.
And a whisper from the Holy Spirit told me that everything was going to be different.

I know this now,
     because I'm living that dream.
          every. last. detail.
And the really crazy part?
     (we both are.)

The degree to which God answered my year-long prayers over the past two months is so crazy,
So unreal,
That I have to keep reminding myself that this actually is reality.
That I'm not going to just wake up from it because I'm living it.

"Goodnight. And this isn't a dream, so I'll talk to you tomorrow," he reminded me.

This isn't a dream.
This isn't a dream.
This is real. Every word, every look, every feeling.
This is real.

Our God is good.
He answers prayer.
And He is crafting my story into something beautiful.
     (Something for His glory.)
Mending the brokenness that once felt so unfixable.

We don't know the ending yet,
     (and that's okay).
Because in this moment, there is peace.
     There is healing.
     There is joy.
And there is the unwavering knowledge that the Spirit is right here in the thick of it,
     directing and loving and leading, just like He always does,
His presence reminding us that we are His.
And that He is surely writing this chapter with all the care and affection of a good Daddy,
     who still smiles and reminds that He is always redeeming,
     always protecting, always gently guiding, always restoring.

It's okay, My child, He tells me, Jump in. Let go. For I am here. And I am making all things new.