I have moments when I am exactly in step with the Spirit and feelin great. But I also find myself in moments when the Spirit and my flesh want to deuce it out. In those times I literally shut my eyes and imagine myself fist-fighting a mirror image of me. This war raging inside of me. Wanting to burst forth like a human cannon. I feel like an invisible force is shoving me around as I knock to-and-fro screaming "But it would just be easier if I gave in. I WANT to give in." and then screaming back, "But you KNOW you don't actually want to. It's not glorifying to God and He should be your ONLY desire."
This battlefield has it's quiet nights, but oh does it boom fiercely on those attacking days.
My Christian walk thus far has been a gradual increase of getting better at fighting those sinful desires. And certain areas I feel almost completely redeemed in, praise the Lord. But there's always been a few target areas that hurt my heart to the core because of the greatness of the battle inside. A few areas that--while it has been an incline--the process has been a slow and frustrating one.
But today I resisted. I kept myself occupied. Admitted to others I was struggling. Turned off the music when I could feel it starting to shift my thoughts farther from Jesus. Put my phone away when I didn't trust myself with it.
...wrote this blog as a distraction for myself.
Today I made war. (listen to this song) I didn't just let my sinful nature push me around. I fought. With Him. And we won.
Spirit > Flesh
Today Jesus helped me win this battle, though the war still wages on inside of my mind.
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