here we go.

Today I discussed with my other "NF" friend (I promise that this whole post will not be about Myers-Briggs...) about the ups and downs we go through.  Most of the time I enjoy being an NF because I love how intuitive and relational I am created to be.  But these middle letters of my ENFJ personality come with an emotional roller coaster that sometimes is frustrating to ride.  One second I'm up and the next I'm down--rarely ever in the middle and rarely ever staying on one end of the spectrum for too long.  As an NF I feel everything--which can be good or bad, depending on the emotions that engulf me.

The past few days it's been heavy on the down side.  I've allowed bitterness and anger, sorrow and regret, jealousy and pride to control every neuron in my brain.  Affecting all of my interactions.  I didn't even remember clearly why I was so angry; I just knew that I felt bitterness.  And I felt it hard.

But tonight I consciously fought these feelings down before approaching the events that were planned.  Tonight was my last night of the summer.  My last night before the next phase of life hits.  Yes, I've been doing tasks for InterVarsity all summer, but freshmen move in tomorrow and I will be on campus the entire day.  Tomorrow marks my first day as a (volunteer) staff worker actually ministering to my own students on their campus.  Tomorrow marks the end of an era and the beginning of an exciting journey that the Lord has me on.

And I spent this last night with the people that I love.  Playing my favorite "water football" game in the pool.  Cuddling with two of my favorite kids during some worship songs.  Watching my dear friend Katie get baptized.  I spent the night reflecting on the work that I've seen Jesus do in Katie's life.  The ways in which we've helped each other grow in the Lord in the year we've known each other.  The ways in which we challenge each other and are open and vulnerable with each other.  The ways in which I see Jesus redeeming her and growing her and changing her heart.

I reflected on this preciousness of community as I enjoyed a night of sweet fellowship, worship, and prayer.  The bitterness disappeared when I allowed myself to just be immersed in Jesus' presence.  When I rested in the fact that life is so much more simple than I make it out to be in my mind.  Life is about loving Jesus and loving others.  It's about abiding in Him and joining in on community.  It's not about structures or leadership styles or even about all of these events that we take so much time to plan.  Yes these things are important and should not be neglected, but the simplicity of love that comes with just being with Jesus and in fellowship with others negates all of those differences of opinions.

And I realized that it is this simplicity that makes me eager to do college ministry.  It is this love and passion that drives every step I take toward going on InterVarsity staff full-time.  I know how much of an impact InterVarsity had on Katie's life and in her going forth with baptism tonight.  (And how much of an impact it was in my own life.)  My hope is that every TCNJ student grows and heals and is redeemed in the unshakable love that Christ has for them.  That every TCNJ student comes to the deep understanding of how good and important and necessary community is.  That every TCNJ student experiences the richness and wonders of Jesus that I experienced with this group of believers tonight.

Here we go.
We're hitting the ground running.
My heart feels softer than it did a month ago.
     A week ago.
          A day ago.
You are cleaning me and healing me.

Here we go.
I'm entering this new phase of life with You.
Ministering to these students by the cup that overflows in my own life.
Mission work begins.

Here we go.
Tomorrow I am a servant on TCNJ's campus.
Tomorrow I surrender my career to You.
Tomorrow I step out once more in faith.

Here. We. Go.