prayers to praise

Last night I felt like my life was a movie that I was watching in a theatre.  Waiting for the end credits to scroll at any minute and for someone to tell me that it was all make-believe.  Staring in utter disbelief at the things going on around me.

I sat, still, for the entire two hours of an evangelistic event.  Repeating the same prayer over and over in my brain.  The same prayer that I had said a million times for three years.  But this time, more fervently.  This time, my mind was screaming this well-reherased prayer and my eyes were filled with tears.  This time, I had to dig my nails into my legs to keep from shouting out my pleas to God.  Soften his heart.  Make him realize he needs you.  Make him see Your love.  Soften his heart.  Jesus, soften his heart.  Complete desperation.  Complete dependence on Him.  Knowing that nothing I did and nothing the speaker said could change his heart.  Only Jesus could.  Complete and pure dependence.

And at the end when that call to faith came I sat even more still, as if that were even possible.  My body felt hot and time seemed to stand still and the silence echoed louder than the speaker's words.  Stand up.  Stand up.  Stand up.  Stand up.  I didn't know how to do anything else but chant those two simple words silently to God.

And he stood.  And my body went even more still.  And the silence echoed even louder.  And I questioned if I was just in some kind of daze.

And as he walked toward the front of the room, I frantically looked around and heard my thoughts shout, Where's Robin?!  I locked eyes almost instantaneously with this mentor of mine from across the room as more of those tears came.  I had to dig my nails even harder into my legs to keep myself from bursting into a loud and long-awaited sob.  I could feel my body literally begin to shake from the state of shock it was in.

As I watched my pastor pray with him and felt my spiritual mother sit down next to me, I relaxed a bit from sitting so very still.  These prayers were still on repeat in my mind and I remained in a haze of disbelief at what was really going on around me.

I'm not sure what happens next.  I'm not even really sure what's actually going on in his heart right now.  But I know that a prayer I had been praying for three years was answered.  A heart was softened.  A door was opened.  And I was present to see and feel every minute of it.

What I do know is that I am still called to pray.  What I do know is that this prayer can now be tweaked from "soften his heart" to "Lord, let him seek after you wholeheartedly."

For Your Word tells me that if someone seeks You with all of their heart, they will find You.

They will find You.
They will find You.
He will find You.

And You will bring him back from captivity.