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I have tried several times in the past 24 hours to make a post, but my mind is swarming with too many things to update about!  I could talk about my amazing week at Outer Banks with Ruth, Matt, Sharon, and Steve.  I could mention how I went to graduation and watched so many wonderful friends close the chapter that we all know and love as undergrad.  I could talk about the amazingness (yes, I realize this is not a real word, Merriam Webster) that was Rockbridge:  the week-long retreat that IV goes on during the beginning of summer.  I could tell you all how God answered numerous prayers of mine while there, blessed so many relationships, and really got me excited for next year by facilitating C-Team (& Jess!)'s planning/bonding times.  I could also chat about the past week, which I spent as a gypsy, bouncing from house to house in NOVA, Fredericksburg, and Baltimore.

Alas, I will settle on a simple story that occurred yesterday on my final trip home.

As a small piece of background information, I will tell you that my car has been giving me problems for a little over a year.  It shakes really bad, something that is hard to describe unless you are sitting in it and experiencing it first-hand.  I've taken it in to be inspected more than once and no one can ever figure out what's wrong, and as the miles have gone by over the past year, the problem has just gotten worse and worse.  When I came back from Rockbridge, I noticed that my car felt extra unsafe, and I was not sure if I would even make it home without it breaking down.  So, I decided to start my journey north a little earlier in the week than I had hoped.  I stopped in Baltimore (the halfway point) for a couple of nights to hang out with Lindsey.  Yesterday, I finally prepared myself to finish the trip home.

I took Lindsey to her morning class and she was surprised at how my car felt.  The shaking was ridiculously bad and I was terrified to even be behind the wheel.  When I got on I-95 North, I spent the first twenty minutes of my journey praying that God would just keep me safe.  I was finally beginning to relax and realize that all I could do was place my trust in God's hands when I heard it.  Thump.  My eyes widened and I probably looked like a deer in headlights; I had no idea what was going to happen.  I gripped onto the steering wheel as hard as I could but I could feel myself slowly begin to lose control of the car.  Thump.  My whole body turned hot and I was screaming inside, Jesus PLEASE keep me safe!

I pulled over and sat, catching my breath.  I was on the side of I-95 North, right near an exit ramp.  Every time a car went past me at 70 mph my poor little car shook from the wind.  I was scared to death.  Of course no one I called was answering their phones.  Finally I got a hold of my dad and I just began sobbing to him on the phone, explaining my circumstance.  I was about 100 miles from home.  I think my initial thoughts were, "C'mon, God, really?!  Really??  You couldn't have just allowed me to get home in one piece?  You couldn't have just had my car fixed during one of the times I brought it into the shop?  I don't have money for a towing fee, I don't have money to repair my car, and if worse comes to worse I DEFINITELY don't have money to buy a new car!  AND to top it off, God, my car is currently filled with my belongings from moving out of my apartment and three bags of Jessie's belongings that I told her I'd take home with me. NOW WHAT?"

While I was freaking out to my dad on the phone, one of those maintenance trucks pulled up behind me.  This guy got out and told me the rear tire had blown out and asked if I needed help.  He changed it with my spare for free and then told me I could either chance getting home with the spare tire (spares are only designed to last like 50 miles or so) and my car would get towed if it blew out, or I could go right now and buy a new tire.

Well, this was a conundrum.  I drove off the exit ramp that I was so close to and pulled into a parking lot.  You see, my car was still shaking really bad and I still felt really unsafe driving it.  There was something hanging off of the back of my car that was rubbing the back of my tire.  Whatever it is was slowly melting away and digging into my tire.  And the thing is, I'm sure that piece of metal was only a symptom of the real problem.  My car could still break down on my way home (from whatever is causing it to shake) OR this piece of metal could dig into the new tire, causing yet another one to blow out.  So in my mind, this ruled out the possibility of buying a new tire (because why would I buy one that might break on my way home, anyway?).  So after talking to my dad, we decided that he would head to where I was.  We would put all of my things and all of Jessie's things in his truck and then he would drive my car home (on the spare tire) and I would follow closely behind in his truck.  That way, if my car needed to be towed my belongings would be safely in his car and I wouldn't be alone on the highway.  So I waited in Maryland for my dad.  I walked around, listened to a sermon, and sat in McDonald's to read a book (did I mention it was thunder storming during this time?).

My dad came, and we made it home!!!! My car is currently in the shop.

Now, I could be really mad that I don't have a car right now (it is pretty annoying because in Ewing, you really can't walk anywhere).  I could also be mad because if they can't figure out what's wrong with my car, I'm not sure if I'll be able to buy a new one... and I would need to figure out rides to my summer jobs/summer classes, and then rides to work once I am back in Fredericksburg.  But the thing is if I honestly look at this situation, I can't help but notice that God answered all of my prayers!  He kept me safe, brought a very nice Samaritan to change my tire for free, held the rain off during my walk to McDonald's (it only rained when I was sitting in my car and when I was sitting in McDonald's), and got my car home in one piece even though it was against all odds (a towing fee to where I was in Maryland would have been about $500).

The Lord has also really been teaching me lessons about money this year.  My whole life, I've been pretty greedy when it comes to finances and I don't always honor the Lord with the things I spend my money on (tanning, clothes that I probably don't need, getting my hair highlighted, etc).  It is easy, when you have money, to always want something more and to get caught up in thinking that the things of this world are more important than they actually are.  We, more easily than we'd like to admit, can grow to be so jealous of the people that have the things "we want" (even if these people don't know Jesus at all).  And once you think one thing of the world is "necessary," you can fall into a terrible cycle of slowly letting the world overtake your mind and soul.  1 Timothy 6:9-11 says, Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.  Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.  But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness.

This past semester my wallet was stolen, my car grew to be pretty busted, my dad stopped paying for my groceries, my hours got cut back at work, etc.  I feel that God is molding me into the place where I will need to be when I graduate.  He is slowly teaching me that money doesn't actually matter and that I need to just be content in the fact that He is keeping me safe and guiding my life.  I need to let go of the things of this world and just live to glorify Him alone.  And I need to trust that He will provide money when it is necessary (i.e. if it is necessary that I have a car, I need to trust Him to either fix mine or provide the means of acquiring a new one).  Matthew 6:31-33 says, So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?"  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Perhaps God's teaching me about money because He knows what my finances will be like in five years.  Perhaps I will not be making my grand sum of money as an occupational therapist like I always hoped I would (not that I wanted to be an OT for the salary, though it was a plus to the career).  Perhaps the Lord has different plans for my life; and I'm beginning to see what He might want me to do immediately following undergrad.  But that brings us to another entry for another day.

Junior Year of College is Over?!

As the school year has come to close I've been replaying it over and over again in my head.  How have I grown spiritually?  What are the areas that I still need significant refining in?  I realized that while last year I grew extremely rapidly externally after I accepted Christ, this year I grew at the same crazy fast pace--only I grew more internally than externally.  Which means that while it may not be as evident to everyone around me, I know that God still is acting pretty speedy in my growth process.  I feel like when I accepted Christ, He was like, "Okay Alyssa, let's go. C'mon. We don't have time to slow down. There's a reason I perused you. I want you and have plans for you. So let's learn and grow. NOW." And then this year, every single strong Christian friend that I looked up to was simultaneously plucked out of my life (because they either graduated or moved away or got married) and it forced me to, rather than bring my "Christian questions" to them, bring them to God.  And because of that, I've grown tremendously this year, as well.  It's as if God was like, "Yeah I'm glad we're at this point in such a short time, but we don't have time to slow down. There's a place I need you to be in by the time you graduate so let's go go go. No time to slow down."

I picture us in a car, speeding down an empty highway--me sitting in the passenger seat, having zero idea where God is taking me, but knowing that He's driving us away from my old life as fast as He can.

Destination? Not for me to know.

However, this does not mean that I am always moving forward.  Many times I find myself taking two steps forward, shortly followed by one step back.  The past month of my life was CRAZY packed with school things, namely for my physiological psychology class.  My group had to run our experiment and we were in Chandler for about 10-12 hours each day.  Analyzing data took even longer and after we finally each wrote our extremely long papers about our findings, we had to present at the Psi Chi Symposium.  I could go on and on about the time I spent on this one class in the past month-- but that's not the point I'm trying to make.  The point is that literally 20 hours of my day was spent working on school work, and I was lucky if I even was rewarded with 4 hours of sleep at night.  Needless to say, my quiet times were pretty nonexistent.  I learned more in physio psych than I did in three years of college, I had the experience of a lifetime when I watched all the stress/tears come together and our project finally seemed whole at the symposium, I became great friends with my lab group (RARL!), and I realized that I finally found the academic subject I am passionate about learning (the brain!).  While this was all going on and I am so thankful for the opportunity to be in this class, I let it sort of control my life for the past month.  It's okay that I was consumed with school (I'm paying for an education, I might as well be learning and doing productive things!), but it's not okay that I didn't also find time for God.  For awhile, I was running on previous quiet times and sermons and readings of Scripture.  Regardless of the craziness, my faith was still strong--I even prayed over my group before we gave our talk at Psi Chi.  But not after long, I had nothing else to run on and I needed to be fed spiritually.  And once the week of final exams hit, I was back to old habits and unconcerned thoughts.  I felt myself falling away and the worst part was I didn't seem to care.

I'm currently at Outer Banks (in an AWESOME beach house!) with Matt and Ruth.  Yesterday we went on the beach to throw a Frisbee and for awhile, I sat on the sand staring out at the ocean, praying.  I felt miserable for putting God on the back burner the past few weeks.  I began to push some semi-damp sand up into a little mountain with my hands.  When I took my hands away some of the sand immediately fell down the sides, ruining the architecture.  As soon as I saw the sand rushing down, I quickly pushed it back up and held it into place as hard as I could.  I repeated this process for several minutes.

We are the sand--so prone to falling away.  If we are not in direct contact with God (the hands) at all times, small parts of us will immediately erode.  And if we don't allow God to put those pieces back in place, the entire mountain will eventually diminish.  But regardless of how long we resist His hands, He is so eager to mold us back into this sculpture that He wants for us.

God is driving the car.  He is in control.  We just need to make sure we let Him in daily, no matter the school work or personal stress we have going on.  And He will shape us into the image that He deems fit for the plans He has for us.

"drink from tha livin wooda"

Two weeks ago I was baptized at my church, River of Life Worship Center.  It was something that I chose to do, not because it "saves me" (for my faith in Jesus alone does that), but as an outward declaration of my commitment to Christ.  Baptism represents the washing away of your sins--your old self is "put to death" when the pastor submerges you under the water and you are raised as a new creation with Christ's resurrection.  At the baptism service, Mike Dudley spoke of it as a wedding ring.  If you put on a wedding ring, it doesn't mean that you're married (much like being baptized isn't what saves you, faith in Christ saves you).  However, you put it on after your married to show your lifelong commitment to that person.

I could go on and on about how amazing this experience was for me, but words simply do not give it justice.  I will say however that it was very special to me that Mike Dudley baptized me (yes, it was a full submersion hahaha) and Missie Dudley read the testimony I had written out loud while I was standing in the water.  I had a ton of friends, both old and new come.  It really meant the world to me and it was so awesome to have everyone there, showing me their support.  The best part?  My dad came.  He drove all the way from New Jersey just to see me get baptized.  I don't think he fully grasped everything, but I was able to share the Gospel with him through my testimony and I can only pray that Christ began to soften his heart while he was there.  McKenna was baptized right after me and that was super awesome because we were in the same place and in the same group of friends two and a half years ago.  The Lord is good.  He can and will change lives.

I haven't posted in a long time because school is out of control right now.  This has truly been the most challenging/busy academic year for me thus far and I am ready for it to end.  I don't even really have time to be posting right now but I knew I was long overdue and wanted to share with you all how Jesus is continuing to be active in my life, regardless of the mounds of school work I am drowning in.  All I want is for the school work to end so that I can put all of the ideas swarming around my head concerning InterVarsity next year into order.  I'm ECSTATIC for planning with the rest of C-Team at Rockbridge and for implementing those plans in August.  Our new staff worker, Jess, is visiting this weekend. She is so awesome and such a perfect fit for our school.  Chatting with her is making me that much more excited for next year. :)  Also it has been SO NICE outside. Perfect weather. So it's making concentrating in school that much harder.

Steph & me in the fountain in the beautiful weather!

 I was feeling in a bit of a rut from spring break until my baptism, and ever since then I've thankfully been back into my favorite place of watching God refine me, sometimes week by week and sometimes moment by moment.  Job 17:9 says, "Nevertheless, the righteous will hold to their ways, and those with clean hands will grow stronger."  The Lord wants us to keep moving forward in our faith with Him.  He wants us to keep pursuing Him, continue learning His Word, and remain in pure amazement of Him.  He wants us to stay on a righteous track so that He can make us stronger and more like His Son.  I should be so extremely stressed out, but I've been praying through this crazy end of the semester schedule and I feel pretty good about it all.  I can't let myself get stressed with my time consuming physio experiment, my hard to understand genetics class, and all the papers in history and developmental because Jesus is beyond better than a few good grades.


There's so much more that I want to say but I have to go get ready for a taco dinner at the Hodi household in honor of Jess. :) SERIOUSLY NOTHING BETTER THAN INTERVARSITY NIGHTS. I NEVER WANT COLLEGE TO END. LIFE IS GOOD. GOD IS GOOD.

Dear Mom,

Two years ago today Dad called me to come home from college.  Two years ago I sat in the living room for four days straight, letting Dad cry on my shoulder, letting him sleep while I stayed awake, and tending to your needs because the hospice thing got botched (of course, right?! haha).

From that Monday-Thursday I didn't sleep at all.  I was running on coffee and was so delirious I hallucinated a few times.  I didn't really mind it though, the days were sort of fun because soooo many people came over to say goodbye to you.  And we all sat around the hospital bed reminiscing.  They told me ridiculous stories about your high school years that I'm sure you failed to tell me for good reason hahaha but like mother like daughter(s), right?  It was the night time that I hated.  When the visitors left and it was just me and Dad and Kir and you.  I laid awake in complete fear each night that if I fell asleep no one would be awake if you were to die.  Every time I heard you gasp for breath or heard Dad snore loudly I physically jumped off the couch and ran over to check if you were still alive.  And at night when Dad and I would have to bring you to the bathroom, give you water through a small sponge, and move your limbs for you, I just wanted to break down.  Nights were the worst.

Two years ago today I had my last full conversation with you.  It was night time and it was just us in the room.  I remember crying so hard through most of it, not even being able to get out what I wanted to say because I couldn't stop crying.  There was too much to say.  I remember apologizing for everything, but I know that wasn't enough.  Mom I was a terrible daughter.  I was so psychologically messed up my whole life and I know that I probably gave you and Dad more anxiety than any parent bargains for.

I think Bean and Jessie came over to say goodbye on the second or third day.  They were like daughters to you and watching Bean's reaction sent me into a complete whirlwind of emotions.  I was so numb by the whole situation--too much stimuli to take in at once--and it all came crashing down at that one instant.  I remember the three of us walking in the backdoor, and Bean couldn't even see your face but she could see the bed in the living room.  She put her hands to her head and started crying and ducked into the dining room.  That made me lose it.  I remember running up the stairs to my room as fast as I could, and I could hear Bean running after me.  I slammed my bedroom door shut, almost in her face, but she ran in my room anyway.  I ran out past her and into the bathroom and I remember standing against the wall, breathing heavily, and slowly beginning to slide down the wall and into a ball on the floor as I cried harder than I had ever cried.  And Bean just held me.  There was nothing anyone could say.

You weren't just a mom to me and Kir and our best friends--you were literally a mom to all of Ewing High School.  You were their "Momma D."

If you were here today there is so much I would say to you--starting with how much I love you and how sorry I am for the years of pain I caused you.  I would tell you how I didn't end up transferring colleges and how I love my life in Virginia now.  That I changed my major from math to psychology with a minor in biology because I want to go to grad school to be an occupational therapist--the career path that you suggested to me one summer down the shore.

Most importantly I would tell you how great my life is now that I accepted Christ into my heart.  Mom, the joy that's with Him is unexplainable.  And I hope you know far better than me about that perfect love because my greatest hope in the world is that you are in heaven right now kickin' it with Jesus.  I would tell you all about how different my life is now and how I love my IV friends and my church in Virginia.  But Mom, just because I love Jesus now doesn't make this any easier.  (And time doesn't make it any easier either.)  A lot of people think that.  They think I shouldn't be sad after two years or because now that I know Christ it makes me miss you less.  But you know that's not the case.  If anything it makes things harder because I know how real salvation is and I have no way of knowing where you are right now.  I pray that you're in heaven, but my prayers won't change the destiny that is already active for you.  Two years isn't that long, and I'm still just a girl who needs her mom for various things all the time.  I think about how I wish I could call you almost daily, but I never tell that to people because I feel like they'd be like "JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY."  But I was a momma's girl and I want you here with me.  I'm still just a mere college kid... all my other friends depend on their parents more than they realize.  I think until a mom is taken away do we college kids actually realize how much one is needed.

Most of the time I wish you were here for the simple every day things.  I wish I could call you when I'm stressed over a class or work or when I'm debating which classes to take.  I wish I could call you for recipes or text you about boy-issues or friend-drama.  I miss having someone that actually cares when I'm sick and actually wants me to come home for breaks.  I miss the little times you would surprise me by buying me clothes when you were out or buying pineapple when you heard in passing conversation that I was craving some--Kir and I were constantly on your radar and you were constantly loving us and thinking of us.  I never showed you how appreciative I am for that.

I realize that God has a plan in taking you away from me so early in my life.  I committed my life to Christ soon after you died and I know that your death had a lot to do with not only me searching for answers and following the Lord, but with my rapid spiritual growth.  I've been through a lot more than most people my age and I think that's really helped me in my spiritual understanding of the Lord and His Word and why any circumstance occurs.  And I'm thankful that God has a will for my life and used you in that will, but I still frequently ask Him, "Was this really the only way, Lord?  Does it really have to be like this?  I miss her."

I know that while you were dying I promised you I'd take care of Dad and Kir, and thus far I've pretty much failed at that.  I'm never home and when I am we all just argue.  We have all developed new "rules" and new "ways of living" and it just seems that mine doesn't fit in with theirs anymore.  But I do promise you that I am praying that Christ softens their hearts--that they come to know their Savior like I (and I hope you) have.  Only He can take care of them; I cannot.

me & you before prom my junior year of high school

I miss you more than words can describe, Mom.  And I love you so much.

Love,
Lyss

The Eye

What I've come to realize lately is that I think for the majority of us Christians we let a bit too much slide.  I'm going to be bold and say we have let the world impact us so much that we have come to accept things as "okay" just because society says they are.  As an example:  I love Nicki Minaj.  She is a sick rapper and also has a really cool stage persona.  However the majority of her songs are about sex and drinking AND if they are not then she at least probably curses in them.  But I listen to them anyway.  I use the excuses of "well as long as I don't say those words, it's fine," or "I'll just listen to the edited version," or "c'monnn it can't be THAT bad for me to listen to.. I mean it's on the RADIO."  But the truth is, the songs DO impact me.  They make me numb to topics and language and maybe in an unfortunate circumstance they cause me to slip.  And just because society thinks it's not that bad to watch a show with sexual content, tell a white lie to get out of something, or "vent" about a particular friend does not mean that God thinks those things are okay.  So are we following the guidelines the world gives us or the guidelines God gives us?

Today in my physiological psychology class we were learning about the human eye.  In the retina are photoreceptors (rods or cones, for those of you familiar with the topic) that have the job of detecting light and sending the information to the brain.  Specifically for the cones, they are responsible for color.

eye

Bare with me.. we're going into a little more detail now but I'll try and simplify it.  Now on the cones are proteins called opsin.  Attached to the opsin is retinal.  When a photon (the smallest packet of light energy) is received, the retinal changes structure.  If you look at the specific diagram below, the retinal is the long chain looking thing (picture 1) and when light is detected the chain goes up (picture 2).

process called isomerization

This basic mechanical process that I'll be referring to is called isomerization.  Now, thinking back to high school chemistry let's all remember what color actually is.  The color that you see is the wavelength of light that is reflected back.  So a green coffee mug absorbs all of the colors except for green.  It reflects green back and so that is what we see (for it is detected by the photoreceptors and isomerization occurs).  Black is the absence of light.  A black object absorbs ALL of the wavelengths of light and reflects none back (hence why you are hotter in a black T-shirt).  White, on the other hand, is light.  It absorbs NONE of the wavelengths of light and reflects ALL of them back.

When we are in a pitch dark room for a long time, there is no light activating our photoreceptors.  Therefore, all of them are in the "ready" position.  That is why when  you suddenly turn the lights on it hurt your eyes because ALL of your photoreceptors are being stimulated at the same time and ALL are going through isomerization simultaneously.

Also we go through something called visual pigment bleaching.   If we were to stare, without moving our eyes, on one thing for long enough it would eventually "disappear."  This is due to the fact that the individual opsin proteins that are directly focused on the color are ALL undergoing isomerization.  Basically, they are being overly activated and they need a "time out" (when the color disappears) to recollect themselves.  Then they can start being activated again.  This does not happen often because our eyes are CONSTANTLY making small movements.  It is very hard for us to actually stare at something without moving our eyes at all.  Try this little test.  Stare at the small blue dot without moving your focus.  If you are doing it correctly it probably keeps "disappearing" and "reappearing."

Due to this visual pigment bleaching, if you were to be in a completely white/bright room for days, ALL of your photoreceptors would be going through isomerization.  So when you left the room, you would have trouble interpreting color for some time.  The color around you would literally "disappear" because your photoreceptors need that "time out" to regenerate.

Okay now I will talk about what was striking me as a "Jesus point" today in class.  In the Bible, God is often referred to as light and the world/sin is often referred to as darkness.  When we are completely absorbed by the world (like being in a dark room), it hurts us when God flips on the light and shows us our sin.  It is a painful process that makes us want to stay in the dark.  We don't want to deal with the process of becoming accustomed to the light.

I would say most of us, as Christians, spend our lives in a bubble that looks much like a normal, lit room.  It is bright, but we can still see all of the dark colors.

However, we are called to live lives in the white, bright room.  We are called to be so absorbed by Jesus that all we see is light light light!  A world where all of our photoreceptors are in a constant state of stimulation.  And when we step out into the world, we do not even conform to seeing the dark colors because we are in a state of visual pigment bleaching!

We need to allow Jesus to take control of every part of our body and mind (just like the light room takes control of every photoreceptor).  As soon as we let the world's darkness come into our focus is when we start to fall apart--even as harmless as it may seem.

So maybe listening to a Nicki Minaj song doesn't seem like the worst thing ever, but if I could choose between allowing myself to be kept pure and "bleached" to the world, then I would rather abstain from listening to her.  I don't want to become numb to anything.

Whose guidelines are you following?

live high, live mighty, live righteously, takin' it easy

Spring break is over; I'm back in my apartment in Fredericksburg.  Classes don't start until tomorrow and I'm already itching for this semester to end.

I went home for break and I had such an amazing time.  I stayed at school for fall break, only went home for half of Thanksgiving break, and was only home for two weeks of winter break (both of which my time was spent at an internship).  This was really my first break home this year--I avoided it like the plague due to a pretty awful summer.  I was avoiding conflict with my dad, avoiding being reminded of my past, avoiding temptation.  I could feel sinful thoughts and actions slowly beginning to creep back into my life this summer and so I ran from it.  ALL. YEAR.

Going home for spring break wasn't in my original plan.  I was really only going home to finally put a close to the stolen wallet situation.  I needed my dad to sign a few papers and I needed to go to the New Jersey DMV to get a new license.  But I ended up having a great time with family and a fantastic time with friends.  It was the first time since my mom died that I really felt like home was home again.  Perhaps that is why my wallet was stolen.  God knew I needed to be forced to go home to remember that I do love the people there.  There is a place in my heart for each person there that cannot be filled by anyone else.  They're the people I grew up with.  They're the people that went through the hardest times of my life with me (i.e. when my mom died).  They're the people that will always be in my life, regardless of the distance between us and the time we've spent apart.

My friends from home came and stayed at Jessie's house in Fredericksburg this weekend, so I also moved in two days ago.  I spent the weekend goofing off with them and was sad to see them go this morning.  I missed driving around blasting music with them, laughing so hard that breathing isn't an option, and allowing them to torture me because I'm the youngin' of the group.  They truly are like siblings to me and I pushed them away for the past year or so due to the ridiculous fear of my sin.

This semester academically just sucks right now.  There are so many things going on that's making me way too excited for future events.  Filling out my IV leadership application for next year is making me overly excited for senior year and the planning that goes on at Rockbridge... picking out classes for next semester is making me ecstatic for THIS tedious one to end... planning my 21st birthday celebration, my sister's graduation party, and buying tickets for a Dispatch concert in June with my home friends is making me just want that month to come. I'm just ready for junior year to come to a close.  I want to be home.  I cannot wait for the four months of summer where I can fill every moment with the people and places that I was so distant from for the past year and a half.

The next two months are going to go by very slowly.  Over break, Bean, Jessie, and I found videos that we made in high school and watched them.  Every joke was still just as funny as when we first laughed at them.  And I'm back on a Jason Mraz kick because I love listening to all of the songs that remind me of three years ago when my life consisted of Bean, Jessie, Rachel, and Vil.

Summer 2011 cannot come soon enough.  Though I still need prayers that the joy and comfort of being home stays this summer.  Prayers that no matter who I'm with, I won't give in to any temptation because I know that God is so much greater.

And I'm praising God for sending me back to Jersey this past week and reminding me that I shouldn't ever run from anything that He has given to me because all of it is good.