NYC Mission Trip

This weekend I went on my first mission trip with people from my (new) church at home [Calvary].  We went to New York City and slept in a very hot, no air-conditioned church Saturday night.  We got up at 5am on Saturday to begin our journey and really didn't stop until we got home at 8:30 pm on Sunday night.  Needless to say it was a busy, busy weekend.

If anyone wants details of things so that you know specifics of what we did or who to be praying for (especially of the people on the streets that we got to know and witness to) you can email/facebook me-- right now I'm going to just talk about how God worked in my life during the journey.

us on the second day (several people didn't spend the night so our group was significantly smaller on this day)

Going into this trip I was extremely nervous.  I'm sure many of you that I talk to on a regular basis were aware of that fact.  I asked quite a few of you to pray for me (and for the rest of the group of course!) because the closer the date was to the trip, the more my nerves were eating away at me.  I had never been on a mission trip before.  Evangelizing in NYC?  That's sort of asking for trouble.  How was I going to go up to strangers and just talk to them about Jesus???  It's been hard enough for me to talk to my non-Christian friends about Him and I have actual relationships with them.

But I was going.  I wanted to meet new people from Calvary.  I wanted to have this experience before I entered the school year as chapter president for intervarsity.  But most importantly, this is exactly what we are called, as Christians, to do.  There are people all over the world who don't know Jesus and someone needs to show them the Way.  And my heart breaks for each of those that are lost.  So I dragged myself out the door and onto the train Saturday morning because I knew I had to do it.

On Saturday we did some evangelizing and fed the homeless in Union Square Park, among many other things.  My evangelizing did not start off on a good foot because the first guy was hitting on me.  And so I immediately decided to follow Gregg around, feeling much more confident around someone that would protect me-- a pastor, nonetheless.  That was probably the best decision I ever made.  Gregg is the most friendly and down-to-earth person I know.  Not only could he strike up a conversation with anyone but he knew exactly how to direct the flow of the conversation into their need for a Savior.  After taking pages upon pages of mental notes from him, I was off on my own.  And thanks be to the LORD for calming my nerves because I talked to and prayed with a few strangers on my own.  My prayers were answered.

"20 Somethings" on the first day

And so the first day was a success in so many different ways (again, more on that in an email if you are interested).  The second day was extremely trying.  I slept for maybe 30 minutes Saturday night, as did the majority of us, because it was so hot.  We were all dragging, but pushing on for the sake of proclaiming Christ crucified.  It seriously must have been 100 degrees out both days.  Terrible.

Sunday afternoon we headed to Coney Island to put on a skit.  To watch the youtube clip of the skit we replicated click here (seriously watch it, it's good! Obviously this isn't us performing, it's the original link that we found for it).  I don't remember who, but someone volunteered me to be the main girl (in the white shirt).

Uhhh, what?

At first I was like, "Okay cool, I'll do whatever."  But when we actually arrived at Coney Island on Sunday and Kevin set up our "stage" in the middle of the boardwalk where hundreds of people were, I began to freak out.  I kept going up to people from Calvary saying "I CAN'T DO THIS."  I was convinced that someone was going to see the skit and get offended and shoot me (Yes, with a bullet and a gun. Can you tell I'm a bit irrational at times?).

Right before we started I prayed, Okay, Lord.  I don't want to do this.  I know that the fact that I'm nervous is because of my own sinful nature to care more about how I'm viewed than about Your glory.  So Lord I'm giving this up to You.  Do whatever You want with it.  Change hearts.  And stretch mine.

I took a deep breath and I did it.  And it was so great!  So many people watched and it was fun.  We did it a second time and I noticed people were video taping it on their phones.  I was laughing so hard because during the second time, Gregg (who was sex/abuse) actually accidentally pushed me down when I was in the middle of the circle at the end.  So funny.  My prayers were answered.

I'm so grateful that I went on this trip.  The Lord really stretched me and I feel like I've grown from it a lot, in so many different ways.  While I only talked about Him working through my fear of street evangelism, He did so much more to my heart that I would love to share with all of you if you'd like to hear about it (it's a bit too long for one little blog entry).  I made new friends, some much younger than me, some my age, and some much older than me.  I had so many good laughs (like when I ran screaming out of the kitchen because an enormous cockroach flew at my face hahaha).  I was stretched spiritually and watched as the rest of the group grew, as well.  On the train ride home I couldn't believe that it was just the day before when I hadn't known this group from Calvary.  I felt like we had been on a trip for a week together and it had only been two days.  We laughed together, cried together, shared testimonies together, worshiped together, prayed together, and grew together.

What God really made me realize is that my fears of evangelism came from my sinful nature.  All of the children that were there were excited right off the bat to talk to people and never got enough of talking to strangers about Jesus.  They weren't afraid of what people thought about them.  They weren't afraid of getting shot.  They weren't afraid of not knowing the answers.  They just wanted everyone they met to know and love Jesus like they do.  They wanted everyone to feel what they feel.  They wanted everyone to get saved.

Abigail, Abigail and Jake witnessing in the park to kids much older than them

Their love for the Lord astounded me.

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." --Matthew 18:3

We all need to have faith as pure as a child's.  We need to trust that the Lord will provide and protect us in whatever He calls us to do.  We need to pray for Jesus to take away our anxieties and fears because He will.  And He will make us warriors in the process.  My prayers were answered.

Entropy

Have you ever gone to clean your room and it's so messy that you don't even know which part to start with?  So instead you wait a few weeks, sort of giving up on the whole cleaning process because you can't find any place to begin.  Usually there are a few good options to start with--such as the closet or floor--so that you have space to then throw all the rest of your crap when you decide to tackle the desk and the drawers and the bookshelf.  But I've had times, especially when I go to unpack from college, that I just cannot find one good spot to get started.  And so my things sit as they are for a month and it just gets messier and messier until I'm literally jumping from the entrance of my room to my bed at night.

Much like my heart right now.  I'm feeling attacked by Satan from all angles--so much that I don't even know where to begin the fight and can feel myself just getting overwhelmed and wanting to give up.  I don't know which area to tackle first because while I know there must be a common theme of sin that is at the root of this all, I just haven't figured it out yet.

The second law of thermodynamics (thank you, general chemistry class) is all about entropy.  And it says that unless you put energy into something, it will just get messier with time because systems have the tendency of going from order to disorder (i.e. even dust collects in a room that's not "lived in").  If you don't put energy into your relationship with Christ, it will just become messy.  I haven't had much time for prayer this week and I can feel it affecting my entire self.

I'm exhausted physically and mentally and spiritually.  This was my first week of working full time and going to class and having homework and of course it just so happens that this is also the week that I'm feeling attacked from all sides.  And tomorrow I leave for my first mission trip that I'm beyond nervous for.  I can't wait until this time next week when I can spend my weekend sleeping and praying and catching up on homework.

Lord get me through these next seven days in one piece.

I Once was Blind, But Now I See

Last night I walked downstairs to find my dad sitting at the kitchen table with his nose LITERALLY in a book.  He was staring, fixated on a page, holding the rather cumbersome book up to eye level.  He looked like a psychology student trying to understand the "blind spot test" while reading his textbook.  I chuckled and he said, "LYSS, IS THIS YOUR BOOK?!" as he held it up for me to see:

When I answered him with a no he said to me, "You have to try it!  It's AMAZING.  I sat down to look at it and when I first glanced at the pages I thought, This isn't going to be anything special.  But I kept staring, and I just fixated my vision on it, and all of a sudden it was as if someone flipped a switch!  And I could see this AMAZING 3D image!  And I could move my eyes all around the page without the image going away!  It's truly AMAZING."

I stopped dead in my tracks and thought to myself, Sounds like what I was exclaiming when I finally understood Christ's love. "Okay, let me try it," I made him get up and he turned the page to his favorite one:  a bunch of roses.

I stared at it for a long time and was frustrated when I didn't immediately see a 3D image.  "I don't have my contacts in, I won't see it," I used as an excuse.  "No, you will, just keep trying," my dad urged me.  So I stared for a little longer, bringing the book close to my nose and then far away, trying my hardest not to blink, trying my hardest to keep it under the kitchen light.  I was growing extremely frustrated.  "I see it kind of looks 3D.... I guess I see it?  It's not that interesting though." But my dad said, "No, Lyss.  You will KNOW when you see it.  You'll just KNOW.  I don't want to tell you what it is.  You have to see it for yourself.  Just keep looking, I promise."  I breathed a sigh of frustration and kept looking, determine to find whatever my dad had found.

All of a sudden the middle roses came out of the page and took on the shape of a heart.  It wasn't blurry, either.  There was a DISTINCT 3D heart image that did not go away.  I looked all around the page, jetting my eyes from corner to corner, and the heart remained in tact.  It was amazing.  And it all happened in a millisecond.  I didn't even really notice the heart come out, it was just not there one second and there the next.  I didn't do anything special with my eyes, either.  I just kept staring, kept pressing on, and finally the book did the work for my eyes, my brain didn't have to work to see an image.  IT. JUST. HAPPENED.

That is exactly what it was like to finally see Christ.  I finally reached a point where I believed that the Gospel was true and I believed what everyone had told me about Jesus.  And I spent a semester determined to understand it all myself.  I spent a semester with my nose in the Bible, reading through John, Romans, Philippians, and 1 John.  And I was sort of seeing it (sort of seeing the book take on a 3D look) and I had decided to devote my life to Jesus (and looking at this book), but my heart still didn't really understand what was so great about it (I didn't see the 3D image).  I didn't know what I was looking for, but I knew that I still hadn't found it yet.  And then while at Passion 2010 it was like one second my heart didn't understand and the next my entire soul understood the Gospel.  It wasn't anything anyone said or anything I did.  It was solely the moment when God decided to fill me with the Holy Spirit (the book did the work on its own), like He just flipped a switch in my heart.  All of a sudden I could feel Christ in every part of my being and I just knew that THIS was what I had been searching for.

And ever since I have never been the same.  I can move my eyes all around the page and still all I see is the prominence of that 3D image.  All you have to do is make a commitment to want to search for Christ and begin to read the Gospel and pray.  And before you know it God will do all the work.  He will break your walls down and you will see Him in all His glory.  And you won't even believe that there was a time when you couldn't see it.

I want you to  know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something I made up.  I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather, I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ. -- Galatians 1:11-12

Grace

We will never be able to fully comprehend the magnitude of God's grace.

I spent four glorious days in Fredericksburg.  Don't get me wrong, I am lovin' home this summer.  But it was great to be away from work and away from my class and away from my house for those days.  And it was even better to catch up with friends and do things in preparation for this year's InterVarsity.

On Sunday I make the oh-so-familiar drive home in my new car!!! I can't remember if I updated my blog about this but the night after I posted that blog about my small car almost breaking down on my drive home from Virginia, I prayed for a car.  Specifically, I prayed for a Rav4 because I figured hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.  The next day my dad tells me he's going to sign the family Rav4 over to me and my sister can take and do whatever she wants with my busted, red Chevy.  TALK ABOUT AN ANSWER TO PRAYER!

Anyway back to the story.  So I'm driving in my God-given Rav4, feeling safer than ever on I-95 North.  But of course, I'm complaining because the air conditioner is broken in this car and I have to drive with the windows down and I'm sweating.  Of course God gives me this wonderful gift and I find myself complaining about it.  At the same time I find myself complaining about another gift He gave me:  New Life.  I find myself zoned out on the road, sort of yelling at God, saying Why can't I just act crazy in college like everyone else?! Why can't I go out?!  Why did I have to delete all of my party music off of my iPod because now I want to listen to it!  I know I'm joyful now and am so thankful to be a new creation, but I still miss old habits... And as I'm murmuring to myself I don't even realize that I merge onto the wrong highway.  I no longer was on 95.  COOL.  I make this drive literally 20 times a year and I have never done that before.  So I make a quick turn-around and get back on 95 and not before long I'm stuck in the worst traffic of my life.  I eventually put my car in park because I was sitting completely still in traffic for half an hour.  People were getting up and walking around their cars.  And without the AC and without the wind blowing through the windows I was dying of heat.  I could feel the sweat dripping down my face and all I could think was, REALLY GOD?! REALLY?! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A WORKING AIR CONDITIONER?!  When traffic began to move I saw what was keeping us locked in:  a nine car pile-up.


I would have been in that pile-up if I didn't take that wrong turn.  You know, the wrong turn I took while I was complaining about not wanting to be a "good Christian" all the time.  God literally saved my life while I was yelling at Him, unappreciative of His gifts for me.  Grace.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

Even in the midst of our crazy messed up minds, God is working all things for our good.  I look at my own life and I cannot help but be brought to my knees in admiration for Him.  Jesus was sent in the middle of this crazy, sinning world to save it.  Christ resurrected my own heart in the middle of the lowest, most sinful point I had ever been in in my life.  He called me out of darkness.  And God continues to bless me, even when I constantly find myself turning my back on Him.

Ephesians 3:14-21--
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Lord, change my heart to fear You.  Though I can't comprehend in my human-nature, make me respect and stand in awe at the vastness of Your love, mercy, grace, and power.  Nothing on earth is as good as You.  Deuteronomy 30:6 says, The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.  I can't change by my own powers--I've tried that and failed miserably.  Change me so I can turn from this path of destruction that I so frequently find myself going down.  Change me so that I can change the world in Your name's sake.

Surprises

Sometimes I like surprises.  They make life interesting and I like to remain in awe about how God works things into my life.  Sometimes I don't like surprises.  I'm Type A and a planner (such a J, Aletheia haha) and I hate it when I'm not in control of a situation.

Surprises I like:
So I'm currently in Fredericksburg and have been running around with Jess (our really awesome new IV staff worker) for the past couple of days, trying to get things in order for the school year to start.  Yesterday we spent most of the day in Richmond and on the way home we stopped for about fifteen minutes at the Short Pump mall because they have an Apple Store and my iPod needs a little TLC.  Neither of us were super familiar with the area and so after driving around for much too long we decided to park near a department store.  We figure if we went inside it we could figure out how to get to the (outside) mall part of Short Pump.  And so we're walking through this department store, on a mission to find an exit (which we're hoping is in some general vicinity to the Apple Store) when I hear, "NO WAY. NO WAY, ALYSSA. NO WAY!!!"  I'm thinking, Who knows me in Richmond?  In THIS store, nonetheless?  I turn around and one of my best friends, Lindsey Scott is standing there with her boyfriend.  Of course we both begin shrieking at the tops of our lungs and jumping around in circles while hugging (so obnoxious haha).  Seriously what are the odds that we were both in RICHMOND at the same time, let alone Short Pump, let alone that store???  Lindsey lives in Baltimore, I in New Jersey (and Fredericksburg during the school year).  Seriously crazy.  Seriously God.  And I was thrilled to see her after a month apart. :)


Surprises I don't like:
So as I said I'm staying in Fredericksburg for a long weekend.  I've been sleeping at Hannah's house and because she's the only one living in her house over the summer, I get my own room (sweet!).  She doesn't live in the best area of downtown Fred and of course doesn't always lock her doors.  Now, right before I left for Virginia my sister was telling me about this book she's reading that is based on a true story.  This guy broke into this girl's home and raped her.  So awful.  So terrifying.  And so last night I go to bed at midnight and wake up sometime around 4:30am because I was really hot.  I walk across the hall to the bathroom and I heard someone downstairs.  No joke.  I was so scared.  I started fumbling trying to find the light switch in the bathroom and of course knock a bunch of things down and make a loud bang.  I froze, my breathing extremely heavy.  I heard a small creak downstairs and then silence.  Someone is in here, I thought, and he heard me.  He knows people are home.  I ran back to my room and shut my door and crawled into bed.  I didn't know what to do.  After laying bug-eyed for awhile I texted Hannah.  She would be waking up in half an hour because she needed to go take a test (similar to the GREs) in NOVA.  I told her in a text that I heard someone downstairs and asked her to be careful and just check the situation out before she left.  Now, Hannah and I lived in a dorm together for two years.  She knows I'm crazy and have the tendency to exaggerate.  But something was telling me I wasn't making this up.  Sure enough at 5am she texted me back saying she would go downstairs and turn the lights on.  After she got ready I heard her walk down the stairs.  Then I heard her give a BLOOD-CURDLING scream followed by a frantic "Alyssa?!?!?!"  I was frozen in my bed and whimpered, "Yeah?  Hannah?" And then again she said, "ALYSSA?!?!?!"  I could not move.  Hannah doesn't scream.  And it was a sound of sheer terror.  Then I hear her yell, "OH MY GOSH I HATE YOU! I HAAAATE YOU! OH MY GOSH I HATE YOU."  And all I could make out was nervous laughter and a murmur of a man's voice.  Ten minutes later I received another text from Hannah that read, "Just walked downstairs and Malcolm [one of her housemate's "ex-boy"] was passed out on the floor.  I didn't want to scare you since I screamed.  It's okay!!!!!!!"  I guess Malcolm had gone out the night before and needed a place to stay and remembered how to get to her house and stumbled his way inside without thinking.  NOT A COOL WAY TO WAKE UP FOR THE DAY, LET ME TELL YOU.

Surprises are not always an easy thing to embrace.  They make us realize that we are not in control.  God is.  And His will is going to play out regardless of anything we say or do.  They make us realize that we have no power to heal friends or make someone understand the Gospel.  Only Jesus can.  When we encounter surprises they remind us that we need to live our lives in constant prayer.  Praying that God will make His will known to us so that our actions and hearts match up completely.  Praying that our friends and families and campuses will have their hearts captured by Jesus.

And maybe praying that I'm never again woken up by a random man stumbling into my house. hahahaha ohhhh life.

NaCl

Thanks to my friend Tim Brown, tonight I was proved wrong:  salt water does not help you tan.  I was under the impression my entire life that the salt gave an extra lil somethin to the water that helped in the sun's reflection process.  Nope.  Only the water helps you tan more.  The addition of salt does nothing for us.

We add things to our lives constantly, thinking they will help.  We add activities to our otherwise boring days.  Money to our savings accounts.  Vacations to our hectic lives.  Clothes to our closets.  Caffeine to our morning routines.

And just like caffeine, the additive has a short-term effect.  We feel good for a little, but it soon wears off.  And suddenly we build a tolerance and need more of that thing just to keep us at baseline.

The salt only leaves our skin sticky and our hair frizzy.  The water has the power to wash away the dirt, but after being in the ocean we know that we need a shower immediately anyway.  I thought the salt would be beneficial to the water--an aid to my tan--but it only gave me more dirty laundry.

I remember learning in chemistry that when salt (NaCl) is added to water it forms a strong ionic bond and becomes sodium chloride solution.  The salt can only then be separated if the substance is boiled and the water evaporates--leaving the salt behind.  It's an easy task to add the salt to water, but a complicated one to remove it.  It's easy to add things to our lives, but how often do we mutter "okay" without resistance if God tries to take that thing from us?  It's a hard bond to break.  Might as well have not even gambled with the chance at dirty laundry.

Leave the salt out.  Come to the water, just as you are.  Stop trying to do God's job for him.  Stop trying to add things to your life because you think you know best.  Only the pure, raw, natural water can do the job of satisfying us and purifying us.

Who run the world?

48 hours ago my life had an interesting string of events.  My friends and I wanted to go see Beyoncé perform live (for free) in Central Park on Good Morning America so we got in line at 3am.  We stood there, sardined with probably close to 10 or 20 thousand people, not moving, from 3am-7am.  To make a long story short we did not get in and did not see her perform, but we sat and listened to her sing right outside the arena.

Beyoncé performing in Central Park (July 1, 2011)

The fans were CRAZY.  People were screaming and physically fighting for hours.  The moment there was an inch of room everyone PUSHED forward.  In the beginning, this movement resembled a flock of penguins waddling about and I could not help but laugh over it, but as the hours dragged on it became a push to the finish line.  Mobs of people would run full force into the crowds in front of them, causing all of us to fall.  Around 6:30 people broke down the fences keeping us in and everyone was just running free, like a stampede on the loose.  Lord of the Flies, anyone?

People will do anything to see the star they love.

When I checked my facebook newsfeed on my phone around 5am, John Piper had posted this status:  On every scale of excellence God is infinitely greater than the best person you ever heard of.

Hmm.  I wondered if the people around me thought that God was better than Beyoncé.  Or if they thought God was good at all.  Or if they even were believers.  If Jesus was in that arena instead of Beyoncé would people have lined up 12 hours beforehand?  Would people be pushing, trying their hardest to get through the gates?

The thing is, Jesus was in that arena.  He is everywhere.  All the time.  And we constantly fail to see that.  And we constantly fail to show others that.  If I professed my love for Jesus to as many people as I professed my love for Beyoncé, maybe more people would be curious to seek Him.

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. --Psalm 34:8

My heart was hurting for many of the people around me during that time.  I know that with just a small sample-sized taste of Jesus, any heart could turn toward Him.  That's all it takes to understand His greatness is beyond anything we could ever fathom.  I just prayed that those around me would be willing to look for God's glory in the every day things.

Beyoncé performed her new song (which I love and have been listening to on repeat, might I add).  The chorus goes, "Who run the world?  Girls."  B, I love your girl power talk, but we don't run the world.  God does.  If more people could see that then more people would be able to see God constantly moving.  All day, every day.  More people would be able to acknowledge that He is good and yearn to take refuge in Him.  He is infinitely greater than Beyoncé (Sorry, B).

I stood pressed up against strangers, not moving, for four hours waiting to see Beyoncé.  Yet sometimes I stray so far from God and see myself actively making decisions that I know are against what He wants for me.  How is it that I can show so much dedication to a person I don't even know, but turn my back on the One that I have the most intimate relationship with?  I need to learn to give Jesus all of the control because He run the world.  And he needs to run my life.