When Simultaneous Occurances Conflict

This weekend was our area's fall conference for InterVarsity called EVA.  It was filled with the kind of laughter I had not experienced in a long time--the kind that causes you to not even be able to breathe or speak.  It was also filled with tears that were so uncontrollable that I frequently found myself breaking down in front of strangers.  It was an emotional roller coaster in every sense of the term.  Up and down, up and down.  Blending together the joy that I have when I'm in a track learning about Jesus and the sorrow I have when a passion that God has put on my heart is unattainable for the time being.  It was the first time since I've gotten saved that my eyes were really opened to seeing the true joy of Christ in my life through the pain that sometimes comes.  We sang this song at EVA and it spoke wonders to me--

O joy that seeks me through the pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee.  I chase the rainbow through the rain and feel the promise is not vain that mourn shall tearless be.

This weekend I stood, staring at a closed door while I distinctly heard the Lord tell me, Beloved, you will walk through that door one day.

How is that possible, Lord?  I was standing on the porch this weekend after the door had shut rather abruptly, watching the people that had gone before me inside the house.  I was completely submerged in what a future in this area on staff looks like, not only watching them do their jobs but talking to multiple staff workers about it.  Yet I was standing--heartbroken--just staring and listening with that door blocking me.  I just want to go inside, Jesus, I whispered.  I just want this decision to be changed.

But that's not reality.

So how was it that while I was leaning hopelessly against the door I heard Jesus more distinctly than ever tell me that I shouldn't worry.  I felt such a burning passion this weekend and I heard confirmation from the Lord that He has put this passion in my heart and He will see it through.

But I'm so confused how this is even possible because I'm staring at a closed door.

In Luke 1:5-25 Zechariah is told that he and his wife will have a child (John the Baptist) even though his wife has been barren for many years and they are both old.  In verse 18 Zechariah says, "How can I be sure of this?" and he learns in a rather difficult way to not question this promise from the Lord but to remain faithful.

Sometimes circumstances seem impossible and bleak.  Sometimes we doubt that it will work out in our favor.  But God is always moving.  God is always at work.

Maybe I'll be in a different region.  Maybe I'll go on staff in a couple of years.  But regardless of how I walk through that door I know that I will be inside one day.  I feel this call at too powerful of a degree for this to not be the case.  The passion I have for college students has definitely been given to me by the Lord and I know that my career will somehow take me to whichever campus I'm meant to be at.

One day I will rejoice and say, "The Lord has done this for me" (Luke 1:25).