God's grace--I will never fully be able to comprehend it. But yesterday I was having a difficult time even believing it. How can a God who knows all of my deep, dark secrets and who watches me fall over and over in serious ways love me through my mistakes? It was impeccable timing that on this day the sermon at church was about the healing power of Jesus and the topic of my bible study was His grace and mercy.
The number one thing I took from yesterday is that brokenness isn't healed overnight. Sometimes it takes a much longer route for Jesus to heal us, similar to how Jesus paused in his journey and delayed healing the dying child (Mark 5:21-43). The point is that the girl was still healed.
41 He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). 42 Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. (Mark 5:41-42)
One day I will not be bound in these areas anymore. One day I will walk when everyone around me (including myself) expects me to still be on the floor from this sickness that caused my fall. One day the power of Christ touching me and speaking into my life will be enough for me to be completely 100% healed, astonishing the crowds around me.
Jesus was on a journey to heal this little girl and He is on a journey to heal me. Nothing will stop His determination to see me alive and free in Him.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
Because 1 John 4:8 tells me that "God is love" I replaced this passage in my mind today to say--
God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God does not dishonor others, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.
God is patient. He will wait for me. He won't keep a record of my wrongs but will persevere with me. He won't give up on my redemption because He trusts and hopes and knows that He will not fail in purifying and healing me.
Sin is not a surface issue. It comes from a deep point of brokenness. I sobbed yesterday to the Lord over a certain area that I am just so utterly broken in--an area that has been tormenting my soul since the day I got saved. I was so sickened by my sin that I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. It brought me to a point where I finally confessed to two friends on the phone all of the habitual, hidden sin that had surrounded my life for the past few years. But it's done. Step one in the process was admitting it out loud and asking for accountability. Satan will not use my silence over me anymore. There is only up to go from here.
I am broken but by His wounds I am healed (Isaiah 53:5). It's going to be a long, hard road but I took my first step on this path with God yesterday. I will continue to move forward because Jesus continues to move forward on His journey to heal me. He is in the process of redeeming me. One day I will be on the other side of this struggle.
One day He will say to me "Talitha koum!" and I will get up and walk.
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