I am so happy I could cry. I am home. Home. HOME. The last time I was excited to be here was when my mom was still alive... I'm so glad to feel at peace here again. (Thank you Jesus for providing me with the FANTASTIC summer of 2011 which sparked this all.)
When I pulled into my driveway I was the only one home so I lugged my bags up the stairs and dropped them on my floor. As I was going up the steps I noticed the familiar smell that as a kid was so comforting to me. When we had been down the shore on vacation for a couple of weeks and finally came back to Ewing, the scent of our house was always so strong. I could only sense this when we had been away for a long period of time; it never hit my smell receptors quite as powerfully after I came home from school or play rehearsal. And it was unlike any other smell. It was scented with love. And family. And joy. And though I was always sad to face the reality that our vacation was over, I secretly adored the sensation because it filled my heart with comfort.
I smelled it last night. I inhaled deeply as I made my way up the steps. Home.
I had been on vacation for a long time and I was finally back home. Emotionally, I had been away from this place for two and a half years. My heart was always in Virginia. Yes, I miss my mom. Yes, my family situation is not ideal. But I was smiling from ear to ear when I walked in that door. I was happy to spend last night at the Downs' house. Happy to have gone out with Bean, Jessie, and Rachel last night. Happy to have had a long conversation about the brain with my dad over coffee this morning. And I'm looking forward to the rest of my weekend here.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the freedom I have in Christ. That's a heavy statement and means many different things. But I've been applying it to my life recently in the category of freedom from sin and Satan and darkness. Scripture tells me I can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13). Scripture tells me if I keep pursuing Christ and resisting Satan that the devil will flee from me (James 4:7). Scripture tells me that Jesus will break down the chains I have locked myself in and free me from any bondage that I may have (Psalm 107:14,16).
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:17-18).
Because Christ is in me I have freedom. I don't have to struggle with habitual sin. I don't have to have pain over the (seemingly endless trend of) deaths in my family. I don't have to struggle with certain temptations. I don't have to worry so much about what next year in the "real world" will look like. I just need to hand it over to Him and He will take care of the rest. The Spirit transforms us more into Him each day we commit ourselves to Jesus, and through that we have freedom. Through becoming more like Christ, our chains are broken and our bondage is lifted. Bondage from sin. Bondage from pain. Bondage from sadness. Bondage from darkness. 2 Corinthians 3 talks about how when Moses' face reflected the Lord's glory, it would fade after some time. But because of Jesus and the Spirit that lives in us, we can now be transformed to reflect His glory in an "ever-increasing" manner. We need to continuously hand over our junk to fully live in freedom. The moment we try to handle things ourselves or stop bringing our pain and temptations to the Lord is when we put the shackles back on.
Being home the past day and half I've realized how much I had given to the Lord at the beginning of the summer. How many things I brought to Him honestly and faithfully. And He answered all of my prayers. He gave me the strength to open up to people. He provided me with community in New Jersey. He took certain temptations away and showered me with grace during the moments when I stumbled. He's been ever-present on our campus and in our IV chapter.
But the past two weeks I've done a poor job at handing my junk over to Him. I was convinced I could take care of everything myself. Oh how wrong I was. And it began to show in my mood and my interactions and my decisions. One by one I was linking the chains of my shackles back together.
And so last night when I came to this realization I yelled STOP. What have I been thinking?! I have FREEDOM in Christ. This all? This will pass away. Stop worrying, stop hurting, stop thinking so much. Just rest in His presence and give it all to Him. It's so tiresome and disheartening to try and fight the battles by myself. HandItOverToJesus.
Being home has made me realize how fast I can grow spiritually if I continue to keep in step with the Spirit. How temptations can flee. How pain can go away and I can inhale the scent of comfort once again. Keeping in step with Christ includes giving Him every sorrow and struggle and sin. I threw the shackles I had been toying with out the window. I will not go back to bondage. No way. No how.
If you're tired and thirsty, there is freedom. Give your all to Jesus, there is freedom.
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