God's grace--I will never fully be able to comprehend it. But yesterday I was having a difficult time even believing it. How can a God who knows all of my deep, dark secrets and who watches me fall over and over in serious ways love me through my mistakes? It was impeccable timing that on this day the sermon at church was about the healing power of Jesus and the topic of my bible study was His grace and mercy.
The number one thing I took from yesterday is that brokenness isn't healed overnight. Sometimes it takes a much longer route for Jesus to heal us, similar to how Jesus paused in his journey and delayed healing the dying child (Mark 5:21-43). The point is that the girl was still healed.
41 He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). 42 Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. (Mark 5:41-42)
One day I will not be bound in these areas anymore. One day I will walk when everyone around me (including myself) expects me to still be on the floor from this sickness that caused my fall. One day the power of Christ touching me and speaking into my life will be enough for me to be completely 100% healed, astonishing the crowds around me.
Jesus was on a journey to heal this little girl and He is on a journey to heal me. Nothing will stop His determination to see me alive and free in Him.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
Because 1 John 4:8 tells me that "God is love" I replaced this passage in my mind today to say--
God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God does not dishonor others, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.
God is patient. He will wait for me. He won't keep a record of my wrongs but will persevere with me. He won't give up on my redemption because He trusts and hopes and knows that He will not fail in purifying and healing me.
Sin is not a surface issue. It comes from a deep point of brokenness. I sobbed yesterday to the Lord over a certain area that I am just so utterly broken in--an area that has been tormenting my soul since the day I got saved. I was so sickened by my sin that I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. It brought me to a point where I finally confessed to two friends on the phone all of the habitual, hidden sin that had surrounded my life for the past few years. But it's done. Step one in the process was admitting it out loud and asking for accountability. Satan will not use my silence over me anymore. There is only up to go from here.
I am broken but by His wounds I am healed (Isaiah 53:5). It's going to be a long, hard road but I took my first step on this path with God yesterday. I will continue to move forward because Jesus continues to move forward on His journey to heal me. He is in the process of redeeming me. One day I will be on the other side of this struggle.
One day He will say to me "Talitha koum!" and I will get up and walk.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
All I Need
Jesus,
You are my everything. And I'm sorry for the hurtful thoughts I've been having over the past week. And the terrible things I've said. And done. If anything I've learned that it is solely by Your grace that I am saved because on my own I am nothing short of sinful. I am nothing without Your Spirit in me. Weeks like these keep me in check that I am in such dire need of a Savior.
No matter how many times Israel wandered, You saved Your people from their own destruction.
No matter how many times I wander, Your love will always be able to redeem me. Your grace amazes me.
I love You,
Lyssa
You are my everything. And I'm sorry for the hurtful thoughts I've been having over the past week. And the terrible things I've said. And done. If anything I've learned that it is solely by Your grace that I am saved because on my own I am nothing short of sinful. I am nothing without Your Spirit in me. Weeks like these keep me in check that I am in such dire need of a Savior.
No matter how many times Israel wandered, You saved Your people from their own destruction.
No matter how many times I wander, Your love will always be able to redeem me. Your grace amazes me.
I love You,
Lyssa
Monday, December 12, 2011
"I'm not your teddy."
"Cause I'll be by your side, wherever you fall in dead of night, whenever you call, and please don't fight these Hands that are holding you; My Hands are holding you."
This song brought tears to my eyes tonight.
When I was a little kid my cousin Jill, who was 8 years older than me, was the big sister that I never had. We grew up basically within walking distance from each other and played multiple imaginary games that she created. My favorite was called "teddy bear," a game in which she would lay on the floor and pretend that I was her "teddy" and "fall asleep." I would squirm and try to wiggle myself out of her grip, all the while screaming, "I'm not your teddy!" I would make up excuses like "I have to go brush my teeth!" but they would just make her squeeze me tighter. I don't think I ever won the game (winning would entail my escape) because even when I thought I was free and would try to power-crawl away she would just reach out and drag me back into her grasp. The strength of a 5 year old is nothing compared to a 13 year old.
I tried so many excuses on Jesus these past four days. "I'm not good enough. I'll just fall short again anyway. I'm always going to struggle with this. I don't deserve Your love. I want to go my own way, do my own thing..."
The pathetic list goes on and on.
Truth is I was just trying to wiggle free. One sinful mistake caused me to forget about the amazing past month I had just hanging out with Him. It caused me to forget that His love completely sustains me and that I desire it more than those other things in my life. It caused me to squirm and fight and yell excuses that I'm not good enough for His love anyway.
But He just held me tighter. "Please don't fight these Hands that are holding you."
Truth is I'm always going to fall short. But His grace is enough. His love and His sacrifice is more powerful than all of my short-comings. I get in these funks and question my own salvation because I continuously watch myself fall over and over again in the same areas. But me questioning my salvation is me minimizing what He did for me on that cross. He died FOR ME. He died FOR YOU. And He covers ALL of my sin. ALL. OF. IT.
I need to stop focusing on how I'm falling short and continue to focus on how I'm falling more in love with Him. I am His beloved.
In my last entry I mentioned that I am living the greatest love story ever written. Jesus doesn't invite us into a story of us earning His grace by good works (or by lack of bad works). He invites us into a beautiful and holy relationship with Him--one where love is perfect and everlasting and consistent--without any doing on our part. It is all His doing. It is all His grace. It is all His Spirit that gives us life. All we have to do is embrace and accept it.
Max Lucado writes in response to Ephesians 2:7-- "God knows everything about you, yet he doesn't hold back his kindness toward you. Has he, knowing all your secrets, retracted one promise or reclaimed one gift? No, he is kind to you. Why don't you be kind to yourself? He forgives your faults. Why don't you do the same? ...He believes in you enough to call you his ambassador, his follower, even his child. Why not take his cue and believe in yourself?"
I might be wiggling and screaming at Him, I'M NOT YOUR TEDDY. I'M NOT YOUR SON. YOU DON'T WANT ME, but that just makes Him hold me tighter and whisper, Beloved what do I have to do to make you understand? When I look at you I do see my Son. And I do want you. All of you. Just as you are. My Hands are holding you.
This song brought tears to my eyes tonight.
When I was a little kid my cousin Jill, who was 8 years older than me, was the big sister that I never had. We grew up basically within walking distance from each other and played multiple imaginary games that she created. My favorite was called "teddy bear," a game in which she would lay on the floor and pretend that I was her "teddy" and "fall asleep." I would squirm and try to wiggle myself out of her grip, all the while screaming, "I'm not your teddy!" I would make up excuses like "I have to go brush my teeth!" but they would just make her squeeze me tighter. I don't think I ever won the game (winning would entail my escape) because even when I thought I was free and would try to power-crawl away she would just reach out and drag me back into her grasp. The strength of a 5 year old is nothing compared to a 13 year old.
I tried so many excuses on Jesus these past four days. "I'm not good enough. I'll just fall short again anyway. I'm always going to struggle with this. I don't deserve Your love. I want to go my own way, do my own thing..."
The pathetic list goes on and on.
Truth is I was just trying to wiggle free. One sinful mistake caused me to forget about the amazing past month I had just hanging out with Him. It caused me to forget that His love completely sustains me and that I desire it more than those other things in my life. It caused me to squirm and fight and yell excuses that I'm not good enough for His love anyway.
But He just held me tighter. "Please don't fight these Hands that are holding you."
Truth is I'm always going to fall short. But His grace is enough. His love and His sacrifice is more powerful than all of my short-comings. I get in these funks and question my own salvation because I continuously watch myself fall over and over again in the same areas. But me questioning my salvation is me minimizing what He did for me on that cross. He died FOR ME. He died FOR YOU. And He covers ALL of my sin. ALL. OF. IT.
I need to stop focusing on how I'm falling short and continue to focus on how I'm falling more in love with Him. I am His beloved.
In my last entry I mentioned that I am living the greatest love story ever written. Jesus doesn't invite us into a story of us earning His grace by good works (or by lack of bad works). He invites us into a beautiful and holy relationship with Him--one where love is perfect and everlasting and consistent--without any doing on our part. It is all His doing. It is all His grace. It is all His Spirit that gives us life. All we have to do is embrace and accept it.
Max Lucado writes in response to Ephesians 2:7-- "God knows everything about you, yet he doesn't hold back his kindness toward you. Has he, knowing all your secrets, retracted one promise or reclaimed one gift? No, he is kind to you. Why don't you be kind to yourself? He forgives your faults. Why don't you do the same? ...He believes in you enough to call you his ambassador, his follower, even his child. Why not take his cue and believe in yourself?"
I might be wiggling and screaming at Him, I'M NOT YOUR TEDDY. I'M NOT YOUR SON. YOU DON'T WANT ME, but that just makes Him hold me tighter and whisper, Beloved what do I have to do to make you understand? When I look at you I do see my Son. And I do want you. All of you. Just as you are. My Hands are holding you.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Everlasting
I don't want autumn to be over. It's my favorite season. It's so great to hit the ground running after a summer away. To learn again in the classroom. To be with friends again. To implement all the plans that we came up with for our InterVarsity chapter over the summertime. To break out the jeans and sweaters. To have pumpkin flavored drinks and apple-scented candles. To walk down campus and see the beautiful reds and oranges and browns contrasted against the deep scarlet bricks.
I left for Thanksgiving break and there were still the dazzling colored leaves lining College Ave and when I returned to Fredericksburg, they were gone. The leaves had all fallen. The trees were bare.
Winter is approaching.
I've never been a fan of winter. I don't like the cold and I don't like having nothing to do for a month. If you ask me, it isn't necessarily the prettiest time of year outdoors, either.
But this year, I'm embracing it.
The wonderful autumn colors have faded. The leaves have all fallen. My beautiful environment disappeared before my very eyes.
But... Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
I was in this season of activity--of changing colors and new school years. Now I'm entering a season of waiting and growing under the surface.
A season
of
rest
and
falling
deeper
in love
with
Jesus.
The past month of my life was filled with me wrestling God. I didn't want to let go of this season of activity. I didn't want to push the brakes and slow down, even though He was calling me to do so. But what I've come to realize is that the seasons are always changing. I am being called into a slow winter now, but that just means that spring is coming next. He will use the new that He's worked in me during this slow season to produce abundant life and fresh activity in the future. Jesus doesn't want me to fight Him in the winter. He simply wants me. All of me.
I am living the greatest love story ever written.
It's not always about being active. Sometimes it's being still and just being with God. Allowing myself to be loved by Him. Allowing myself to love Him. And only Him. Above all else.
When you turn the lights out in the room, that is when the candle gives a transfixing glow. That is when the candle lights up the whole room and you are not only amazed at it's beauty, but in awe at how a tiny light can illuminate everything in the room.
I am grateful for the fallen leaves because it is when my environment is not ideal that the light of Jesus shines through brighter and more stable than I ever knew it could be.
The joy of being still in His presence is unexplainable. I painted this today while I just rested in these thoughts and brought them to Him. He craves times like these, when His daughter just wants to be with Him. And I'm embracing the fact that the next year and a half of my life will be filled with times like these. This season is dedicated to me growing in my relationship and knowledge of Christ. It is dedicated to me slowly learning how to implement the gifts He's given me. It is dedicated to me living out more of this radical love story. He is the beginning and the end. He is Holy beyond comprehension. He is everlasting.
He. is. love.
I left for Thanksgiving break and there were still the dazzling colored leaves lining College Ave and when I returned to Fredericksburg, they were gone. The leaves had all fallen. The trees were bare.
Winter is approaching.
I've never been a fan of winter. I don't like the cold and I don't like having nothing to do for a month. If you ask me, it isn't necessarily the prettiest time of year outdoors, either.
But this year, I'm embracing it.
The wonderful autumn colors have faded. The leaves have all fallen. My beautiful environment disappeared before my very eyes.
But... Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
I was in this season of activity--of changing colors and new school years. Now I'm entering a season of waiting and growing under the surface.
A season
of
rest
and
falling
deeper
in love
with
Jesus.
The past month of my life was filled with me wrestling God. I didn't want to let go of this season of activity. I didn't want to push the brakes and slow down, even though He was calling me to do so. But what I've come to realize is that the seasons are always changing. I am being called into a slow winter now, but that just means that spring is coming next. He will use the new that He's worked in me during this slow season to produce abundant life and fresh activity in the future. Jesus doesn't want me to fight Him in the winter. He simply wants me. All of me.
I am living the greatest love story ever written.
It's not always about being active. Sometimes it's being still and just being with God. Allowing myself to be loved by Him. Allowing myself to love Him. And only Him. Above all else.
When you turn the lights out in the room, that is when the candle gives a transfixing glow. That is when the candle lights up the whole room and you are not only amazed at it's beauty, but in awe at how a tiny light can illuminate everything in the room.
I am grateful for the fallen leaves because it is when my environment is not ideal that the light of Jesus shines through brighter and more stable than I ever knew it could be.
 |
| Everlasting--Your light will shine when all else fades |
He. is. love.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Go Cowboys
Yesterday we spent Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's house. My cousin Bryan was shouting at the TV, while his children Chase (age 4) and Paige (age 2) were running around in Cowboys outfits, cheering on their dad's team. Chase sort of understands the concept of football and knows that if he wants his dad to be in a good mood, the Cowboys better win.
Paige on the other hand... she's just a naive little toddler. She spent the evening bouncing around in the world's most adorable Cowboys cheer leading dress-- not understanding what a football even is, let alone why our family is currently fixated on the television. All she knows is that her dad threw this outfit on her and that he occasionally jumps up from the couch clapping and shouting his team's name. She knows that her dad has been teaching her to say "Go Cowboys" instead of the "Go Packers" that her Uncle Sean has been trying to get her to learn. And she knows that when she says the phrase correctly, it gets everyone's attention in the room and all of the grown-ups clap for her.
She has no idea why she's supposed to say it, but she'll do anything to please her dad.
One moment she was wearing her cute little leopard-print Thanksgiving party dress and the next she was clothed as her father's daughter (Galatians 3:26-27). According to her new garments, she is a Cowboys fan... and she needs to start living up to that expectation. So she will throw a football around the room with her brother, yell "Go Cowboys" when the time is appropriate, and be still when they lose a game. She will do things to please her father, even if it makes zero sense to her in the process.
The best part about being an obedient child? You are always at peace.
I'm a person with insomnia. I've had sleep issues for the majority of my adolescent/adult life and I've never been able to pinpoint exactly why. So when people can fall asleep just about anywhere and in a matter of minutes, it astounds me. But I had never seen anything so amazing as when toward the end of the evening, we all looked over and found that Paige had fallen asleep while trying to see the movie my sister was watching on the iPad.
Feet dangling off of the chair... head placed on an awkward "pillow"... it looked uncomfortable to say the very least. But she was sound asleep. She was satisfied from pleasing her father and cuddled up in the outfit that was put on her. It didn't matter that the family was still talking (rather loudly, I mean hello we're all from Jersey).. it didn't matter that she didn't get to see the end of the movie.. and it sure didn't matter that she was in an extremely uncomfortable position.
That's the thing about living your life for your Father, it doesn't matter what's going on externally because it is an inner peace.
She knew the night would end on a good note because the Cowboys won and she did her part in that task. She didn't need to know the end of the movie, she could always watch it another day.
We don't always know how the small things will turn out in our lives, but we know that in the end our Father's team WILL be victorious. So we need to do our part in the here and now. We need to do what He asks of us, even if it seems silly in our naive, child-like minds at the time. And when we eagerly comply the angels will cheer and Jesus will smile and we will be safe in our Father's arms forever. Your daughter is here and willing, Lord.
(Go Cowboys.)
Paige on the other hand... she's just a naive little toddler. She spent the evening bouncing around in the world's most adorable Cowboys cheer leading dress-- not understanding what a football even is, let alone why our family is currently fixated on the television. All she knows is that her dad threw this outfit on her and that he occasionally jumps up from the couch clapping and shouting his team's name. She knows that her dad has been teaching her to say "Go Cowboys" instead of the "Go Packers" that her Uncle Sean has been trying to get her to learn. And she knows that when she says the phrase correctly, it gets everyone's attention in the room and all of the grown-ups clap for her.
She has no idea why she's supposed to say it, but she'll do anything to please her dad.
One moment she was wearing her cute little leopard-print Thanksgiving party dress and the next she was clothed as her father's daughter (Galatians 3:26-27). According to her new garments, she is a Cowboys fan... and she needs to start living up to that expectation. So she will throw a football around the room with her brother, yell "Go Cowboys" when the time is appropriate, and be still when they lose a game. She will do things to please her father, even if it makes zero sense to her in the process.
The best part about being an obedient child? You are always at peace.
I'm a person with insomnia. I've had sleep issues for the majority of my adolescent/adult life and I've never been able to pinpoint exactly why. So when people can fall asleep just about anywhere and in a matter of minutes, it astounds me. But I had never seen anything so amazing as when toward the end of the evening, we all looked over and found that Paige had fallen asleep while trying to see the movie my sister was watching on the iPad.
Feet dangling off of the chair... head placed on an awkward "pillow"... it looked uncomfortable to say the very least. But she was sound asleep. She was satisfied from pleasing her father and cuddled up in the outfit that was put on her. It didn't matter that the family was still talking (rather loudly, I mean hello we're all from Jersey).. it didn't matter that she didn't get to see the end of the movie.. and it sure didn't matter that she was in an extremely uncomfortable position.
That's the thing about living your life for your Father, it doesn't matter what's going on externally because it is an inner peace.
She knew the night would end on a good note because the Cowboys won and she did her part in that task. She didn't need to know the end of the movie, she could always watch it another day.
We don't always know how the small things will turn out in our lives, but we know that in the end our Father's team WILL be victorious. So we need to do our part in the here and now. We need to do what He asks of us, even if it seems silly in our naive, child-like minds at the time. And when we eagerly comply the angels will cheer and Jesus will smile and we will be safe in our Father's arms forever. Your daughter is here and willing, Lord.
(Go Cowboys.)
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!!
I am at peace.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18--
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Jesus, I am so thankful for the season of life that you have me in. I am looking forward to next year, where I can build up my leadership skills and take the time to develop before applying for staff. THAT is Your will and so for this I am grateful. And I am at peace. FINALLY. I am ecstatic to have the opportunity to participate in the way You transform lives on college campuses, be it by volunteering or being on staff.
I'm thankful for the fellowship that I have at school and this amazing senior year that You've provided for me. I live with five of the greatest and most Godly women I've ever met. It's such a priveledge to spend each day with them and see how You are moving in their lives. I'm grateful for the health of our IV chapter. We have such a solid leadership team that is ready to make a difference on our campus.
I'm thankful to have a lighter course load this year and to be able to learn and grow on this amazing research team that you have me on. I've not only been able to learn knowledge on this team but life-skills, as well. I'm so grateful that I finally found my niche in school--Jesus learning about the brain is. so. my. thing.
I'm thankful for the fellowship that I also now have at home. I love my church and the people in it. I'm grateful for the opportunities You provide for me to witness to my dad and sister. Jesus just change their hearts to yearn for You only.
Most importantly, I'm thankful for the cross. To be able to come to You as I am. To be able to call You "Abba." To be able to pray for my campus and my family is such a gift because I don't deserve to ask You for anything. But regardless, You so eagerly want me to. To be continually forgiven and loved even when I mess up time and time again. G.R.A.C.E. I am thankful that You are love and I am so very grateful that You pursued me and changed my heart to understand that Truth. In conversations this week I've learned that some people (very close to me) don't understand how deep You love them. To be able to understand grace and love and mercy and forgiveness and this relationship... that comprehension comes only from Your Spirit. And so I thank You for giving that to me. I am thankful that You are more than enough for me.
I am thankful to be Your daughter.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18--
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Jesus, I am so thankful for the season of life that you have me in. I am looking forward to next year, where I can build up my leadership skills and take the time to develop before applying for staff. THAT is Your will and so for this I am grateful. And I am at peace. FINALLY. I am ecstatic to have the opportunity to participate in the way You transform lives on college campuses, be it by volunteering or being on staff.
I'm thankful for the fellowship that I have at school and this amazing senior year that You've provided for me. I live with five of the greatest and most Godly women I've ever met. It's such a priveledge to spend each day with them and see how You are moving in their lives. I'm grateful for the health of our IV chapter. We have such a solid leadership team that is ready to make a difference on our campus.
 |
| Such a privilege to lead with these rockstars this year |
I'm thankful to have a lighter course load this year and to be able to learn and grow on this amazing research team that you have me on. I've not only been able to learn knowledge on this team but life-skills, as well. I'm so grateful that I finally found my niche in school--Jesus learning about the brain is. so. my. thing.
I'm thankful for the fellowship that I also now have at home. I love my church and the people in it. I'm grateful for the opportunities You provide for me to witness to my dad and sister. Jesus just change their hearts to yearn for You only.
Most importantly, I'm thankful for the cross. To be able to come to You as I am. To be able to call You "Abba." To be able to pray for my campus and my family is such a gift because I don't deserve to ask You for anything. But regardless, You so eagerly want me to. To be continually forgiven and loved even when I mess up time and time again. G.R.A.C.E. I am thankful that You are love and I am so very grateful that You pursued me and changed my heart to understand that Truth. In conversations this week I've learned that some people (very close to me) don't understand how deep You love them. To be able to understand grace and love and mercy and forgiveness and this relationship... that comprehension comes only from Your Spirit. And so I thank You for giving that to me. I am thankful that You are more than enough for me.
I am thankful to be Your daughter.
Monday, November 21, 2011
When Simultaneous Occurances Conflict
This weekend was our area's fall conference for InterVarsity called EVA. It was filled with the kind of laughter I had not experienced in a long time--the kind that causes you to not even be able to breathe or speak. It was also filled with tears that were so uncontrollable that I frequently found myself breaking down in front of strangers. It was an emotional roller coaster in every sense of the term. Up and down, up and down. Blending together the joy that I have when I'm in a track learning about Jesus and the sorrow I have when a passion that God has put on my heart is unattainable for the time being. It was the first time since I've gotten saved that my eyes were really opened to seeing the true joy of Christ in my life through the pain that sometimes comes. We sang this song at EVA and it spoke wonders to me--
O joy that seeks me through the pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee. I chase the rainbow through the rain and feel the promise is not vain that mourn shall tearless be.
This weekend I stood, staring at a closed door while I distinctly heard the Lord tell me, Beloved, you will walk through that door one day.
How is that possible, Lord? I was standing on the porch this weekend after the door had shut rather abruptly, watching the people that had gone before me inside the house. I was completely submerged in what a future in this area on staff looks like, not only watching them do their jobs but talking to multiple staff workers about it. Yet I was standing--heartbroken--just staring and listening with that door blocking me. I just want to go inside, Jesus, I whispered. I just want this decision to be changed.
But that's not reality.
So how was it that while I was leaning hopelessly against the door I heard Jesus more distinctly than ever tell me that I shouldn't worry. I felt such a burning passion this weekend and I heard confirmation from the Lord that He has put this passion in my heart and He will see it through.
But I'm so confused how this is even possible because I'm staring at a closed door.
In Luke 1:5-25 Zechariah is told that he and his wife will have a child (John the Baptist) even though his wife has been barren for many years and they are both old. In verse 18 Zechariah says, "How can I be sure of this?" and he learns in a rather difficult way to not question this promise from the Lord but to remain faithful.
Sometimes circumstances seem impossible and bleak. Sometimes we doubt that it will work out in our favor. But God is always moving. God is always at work.
Maybe I'll be in a different region. Maybe I'll go on staff in a couple of years. But regardless of how I walk through that door I know that I will be inside one day. I feel this call at too powerful of a degree for this to not be the case. The passion I have for college students has definitely been given to me by the Lord and I know that my career will somehow take me to whichever campus I'm meant to be at.
One day I will rejoice and say, "The Lord has done this for me" (Luke 1:25).
O joy that seeks me through the pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee. I chase the rainbow through the rain and feel the promise is not vain that mourn shall tearless be.
This weekend I stood, staring at a closed door while I distinctly heard the Lord tell me, Beloved, you will walk through that door one day.
How is that possible, Lord? I was standing on the porch this weekend after the door had shut rather abruptly, watching the people that had gone before me inside the house. I was completely submerged in what a future in this area on staff looks like, not only watching them do their jobs but talking to multiple staff workers about it. Yet I was standing--heartbroken--just staring and listening with that door blocking me. I just want to go inside, Jesus, I whispered. I just want this decision to be changed.
But that's not reality.
So how was it that while I was leaning hopelessly against the door I heard Jesus more distinctly than ever tell me that I shouldn't worry. I felt such a burning passion this weekend and I heard confirmation from the Lord that He has put this passion in my heart and He will see it through.
But I'm so confused how this is even possible because I'm staring at a closed door.
In Luke 1:5-25 Zechariah is told that he and his wife will have a child (John the Baptist) even though his wife has been barren for many years and they are both old. In verse 18 Zechariah says, "How can I be sure of this?" and he learns in a rather difficult way to not question this promise from the Lord but to remain faithful.
Sometimes circumstances seem impossible and bleak. Sometimes we doubt that it will work out in our favor. But God is always moving. God is always at work.
Maybe I'll be in a different region. Maybe I'll go on staff in a couple of years. But regardless of how I walk through that door I know that I will be inside one day. I feel this call at too powerful of a degree for this to not be the case. The passion I have for college students has definitely been given to me by the Lord and I know that my career will somehow take me to whichever campus I'm meant to be at.
One day I will rejoice and say, "The Lord has done this for me" (Luke 1:25).
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